Notes

good morning, ayang. thanks for the lovely song that you brought to me, I appreciate it a lot. I'm sorry I didn't accompany you last night or even didn't say anything before we sleep, just like we did as usual. maybe, in the deep of your heart, you hope that I supposed to apologize for the many mistakes I have done.

I can't even feel or read your heart even just one bit. i did hurt you, yes, that's very clear. no one can dispute that now. even as much as my apologies might just create a bigger burden for you. and I didn't expect such a thing to happen to you. so I really didn't know what to do. honestly, yes i have to apologize to you because i was such a jerk. you can be won't believe me anymore, i will accept whatever the consequences are. i don't know how to apologize properly, i just afraid of everything rn. my girl was just so pure, kind-hearted person and i- i just came to give more wide scars to her. I really understand my mistake this time. I don't know how many apologies can make you forgive me, I only know one thing, this accident will be remembered by both of us as long as we stay together. And of course, I have no power to change anything to what has happened in the past.

as you can see, probably i'm the worst person you ever know. i might seem nice at one glance but it didn't valid as with what it looks like on the outside. people shouldn't pin one's hope to me cause I'm such a terrible person. i give you a long letter like this not to be pitied by you, not even at all. I also don't expect you to forgive me which is extremely difficult considering how bad the situation is now. so I don't want to force you or us anymore.

semata mata aku hanya ingin membuat segalanya lebih ringan untuk seminggu kedepan, untuk kamu juga, yang sekali lagi aku tidak tau dengan aku mengucapkan ini membuat kamu piss off atau engga. atau malah emmbuat kamu jadi lebih baik atau engga, aku gatau. tapi satu yang aku tau, my girl is the best person i've ever met and just an ordinary girl with purest heart yang tidak akan melalukan apapun yang jelek just like what I did. aku cuman merasa aku sedang tidak pantas untuk siapapun karena aku membuat kamu jadi seperti ini. aku kira damagenya ga akan besar, I mean, aku sudah siap dimarahi oleh kamu bahkan aku sudah membayangkan kemungkinan terburuk. tapi ini sama sekali tidak membuatku tenang. aku gatau kenapa- awalnya aku merasa lega, tapi nggak tau sekarang. i have know nothing, hated by you may not solve a single problem. this is ain't feels right.

ayang, makasih banyak atas lagunya. disaat saat kaya gini kamu malah ngasih itu which is it can't be done by the lot of people. hence, i appreciate it a lot like what i said before. i know you are special, I know you are the one i look for after all this time. terimakasih sudah menjadi kamu yang baik. kamu yang mau embrace all my flaws like just what you said before, even i didn't expect you to embrace this one. i believe you are the person who accomplishes her own promises. not everyone likes you, or lets just say no one capable does what you are doing now. the lyrics are so nice and the melody was perfect. i still hope the best for you. I'll always look at you and always loved you like i always do before. or better than before. you are not such a failure, you always perfect. i can say this about a thousand times cause it's true. i always stay beside you, obey what's you'll tell me. i can't tell you how long we will be together as two, i still hope the same thing as before. me, as impudent as you know ask you for a very long time relationship. it doesn't make any sense, didn't it? I'm a such fool who doesn't want this to happen again, anymore, open my girl's scar won't make me happy. i don't wanna lose my senses in the middle of anger. i do grow for you, grow with you, to be the better me and in the present and the next future. this is not intended for you, this was just me, only me, and my own promises.

inti dari perkataan diaatas, aku nggak sama sekali berpikiran jelek atau aku bukannya nggak percaya kamu. aku selalu percaya kamu, cuman aku sadar diri aja.

kamu boleh untuk ga jawab ini, atau ga usah dibaca kalau gak mau. aku cuma mau nyoba biar feels better sebelum ujian sidang dan aku gamau kepikiran ini untuk sementara. aku mencoba untuk jujur juga, dan aku tidak melihat ke aku doang tentunya. aku harap kamu juga feels better setelah ini. aku tidak pernah punya niat buruk untuk kamu. aku selalu berharap dan berdoa yang terbaik buat kamu, your life, your everything. i just can't help myself, I'm about to love you forever. i did really mean it and i love you with all of my heart.