Notes

So, this is pretty unconventional of me, but here goes nothing. Alex, you’re not a piece of trash, for one, I know I always tell you that you are but – honestly – if you were then I wouldn’t hang around you. You’re more than just a good fuck to me, and I should hope that you know that by now and that you believe it. I am in love with you, as we all know - it's not like I do a very good job at hiding it no matter how hard I try. I'm sorry that you're always so stressed out and I'm even more sorry that I only add to your stress, that was never my intention; this was never my intention. I didn't ask to fall for you, just as I am sure you never asked for fall for me, but I think both of us saw it coming somehow. You are a very intelligent, funny person. You're handsome and I am sure that, when you aren't with me, that you are very sweet and caring. People adore you, Alex and they are drawn to you - I am not the only one. Other people see it, not just me, and you need to understand that. There's nothing wrong with you as a person, you are probably one of the few people I enjoy talking to. You have such strong views on things, you can go toe to toe with me at the best of times sexually and psychologically. I know I always tell you that you shouldn't drink so much or smoke so much, but I only say it because I give a shit about you and I don't want to wake up one day and find that somethin' bad has happened to you. You mean a hell of a lot more to me than you think you do, even when I am being mean I just want you to know that I don't mean a damn word of it. I only say those things because I get jealous and possessive, just like you do of me. I hate when you tell me about all the people you fuck, even if you say I'm still better - it fucking sucks. I don't want anyone else to touch you either, but that's both of us being selfish and we know it's going to happen anyways - I just hope I can do it best for you. We can't do this forever, but I want this to stay between us no matter what happens. I want you to be the one secret that I keep to myself, my one guilty pleasure. You're going to be the one that got away from me, that much I already know, but just know that I do love you and I would quite honestly do just about anything for you, and that scares me. I'm sorry if I do things to upset you, or say things to hurt you - I love you and I care for you. I just hate when you leave me so unaware, you come on and say things to me and then get pissed off at me and leave. I can't stand it when you do that because I just want to fucking comfort you, I just want to scoop you up and cuddle you in my arms, but you won't let me do anything for you. I'm sorry I can't do anything for you, Alex. Just...I'm sorry.