Notes

im not happy at all at this point. i didnt know this was even possible. i have no idea what i want, i have no desire to work towards anything, all i ever do is smoking, talking to people about the things that couldnt possibly matter less to me and when im alone, look into the void and try not to think about the things i always think about. im not sure how i got here or how i get out of here. i dont know anything actually. my unpredictably wavy emotional state is confusing me badly and im not good at my major because i cant really focus on anything these days. i need to study, i still need to learn how to manage my money, i miss e., i want m. back, im with s., what the fuck am i even doing now? i need to quit smoking, i need better grades so i can stop lying to mum at least about my classes. im worried about online school, i dont wanna go back home for god knows how many weeks even though i need a break from these people, these thoughts, this city, this dorm. i dont know what i want, therefore surely im the only source of problem of this miserable life.