Notes

how the fuck did you move on so quick, did i really mean that little to you, like wtf do you even see in her, does she love you better then I can? I know I said I'm happy for you, but I'm not. your supposed to be with me, this was supposed to be my fairytale my happy ever after, but nope. i didn't fit your life style whatever the fuck that means. actually i think i know what it means. i could give you everything but sex. and even though this sounds dumb and stupid as hell, if that was all it would take for you to come back i would do it. because you are more important to me then anything. or maybe it was that i don't fish or hunt or that i didn't grow up on a farm. but if shooting a deer was all it would take for you to come back i would kill every deer on this earth. i wish i could have been the one to make you happy, becuase every day since you ending things i wale up and think how can i make trenton happy today. and it seems like no matter how hard i try to make you laugh or keep you intrested. i always fall short and everyday you hate me more and get sick of me, you are my everything but its very very clear i am nothing to you, i dont think im even youre fucking best friend anymore. even tho everyone tells me youre awful and that i deserve so so much more. but every fucking time i run back and let youre words and actions destroy me. and i know you dont owe me anything and i know that its not youre responsibilty to make me happy, im very aware of that and it makes me angry that i keep holding you responsible for that. and i try to move on too, but i look for you in every guy. and i know thats stupid we were only seeing eachother for such a short amount of time, but in that time you became my everything, my bestfriend, my support system, the person i pictured a future with and i know that sounds really stupid and immature, but its true you made me feel a way no one else can and you started to feel like home, you were the only person who made me feel safe and i know im short tempered and stuborn and im not exactly easy to deal with, and alot of that comes from my fucked up childhood, i get overly attached to people when they make me feel good and secured and that i wont get left again, and i know getting left is a part of life. but i was really hopeing you would stick around for a little while. and i know i was clingy, and i know it scared you off, and i beat myself up about it every day, i was only clingy towards you because you made me happy and i just wanted to talk to you and be around you becuase unlike most people ypu didnt make me feel small and like an idiot and unwanted. and idk it was a breath of fresh air to have someone make me feel that way. and im just so fucking angry at myself becuase i fucked this up and i fuck evrything in my life up, and im sorry for getting mad at you over the little things or making you feel rushed. if i could take back every little fuck up back i would. and saying all these things make me feel like an idiot and that im over reacting but im not these are my feelings and i need to let myself feel them. and im sorry for all the rude and passive agressive things ive said since things went side ways. i dont mean them, i really dont im not angry at you, im angry at myself.