Notes

aaj pta ni kyu esa lag rha hai jese ki kuch chut raha hai mujhse ,,,,.. ki bhut piche ja rha hu kuch bhi thik nhi lag rha.. mujhe umed nhi thi ki dusri bar bhi pyar hoga muje par khair vo toh ho hi gya.!!! atlast vo bhi sahi ladki se mere mutabik toh sahi hai aage pata nhi.. aur me janta ni... khud ko control b bhut kiya par reh na paya.. mila bhi apni feelings bhi btadi usse.. isse jda khushi ki baat kya thi mere liye ki jis ladki ko apni life partner k roop me dekna chhahta hu usse har ek baat genuine trike se apne hisab se bta diya.. aur usne sidhi tra se toh nhi lekin han krdi bhut khush tha me usdin.. muje lga shyd jo dokha mujhe pele pyar se mila uska yeh reward hai.. pallvi mere zakhmo par marham lgaygi.. muje hmsha support kregi.. me pele huye dokhe se sabak lete huye mene usse jada baat krni jruri na smji kyuki me nhi chahata ki pallvi mere bare me gaalt soche.. ya uske mind me meri galat image jaye.....par fir bhi pta ni kya problmes create hgyi achank se.. usne mera no, dlete krdiya... chlo mujhe is baat se koi dikkat nhi kyuki me smjta tha ki bina rishta pkka kiye ese baat krna thik b nhi hai ek discipline rkhna hai mje... par man hi man me khush tha ki chlo vo maan toh gyi..par kis kimat par? pichle kyi saal se wait krra hu ki kab canada jauga atlast file toh lgi.. pr me bilkul bhi khush nhi tha usdin.. bina kisi proper documentation k file lgadi.. end me shyd 15 din bad response agya ki somethin like pfl letter additional documents reqst.. aur passport returned.. dil toh usi waqt toot gya tha mera.. par chlo kya kar skte hai.. jo likha hai vohi hona hai... ab main jo tension hai is baat ki vo yeh ki visa lgna bhut jruri hai mera.. tbhi pallvi meri hogi nhi toh me sochna bhi nhi chahta uske bare me.. aur na chahte huye bhi muje use khona pdega.. i knw dil toh tab b tootega par halato k aage jhukna nhi hai.. file toh dubra lg jaygi vo b konsa jaldi kam se kam firse 6 mhine ka wait... aur tabtak toh baat kahi aage nikal jaygi.. kyuki jaha tak mujhe lagta hai ki pallvi ka rishta is saal hojyga pkka.. pata nhi aakhir meresath hi esa kyu ho rha hai.. jo pehla pyar tha mera me janta hu kitni mushkil se bhulaya tha mene...ab firse vohi sab face off kar rhaa hu.. kkash vo meri ho jati toh mujhe jese life ki sari khushi miljati.. jis baat pe promise krke mene usse baat ki thi voi baat k according hi baat hogi nhi toh me mumy ko b allow nhi kruga ki ap baat kro pallvi se.. ab sirf yhi ek umeed hai ki mera visa ajaye bas.. yhi akhri umeed hai agr na aya toh kuch b karke pallvi ko bhulana hoga.. kyuki ye bojh me dil pe leke utha kar nhi chl pauga..mumy toh din raaat bas yhi dua karti hai ki baat banjaye.. aur mumy jab roti hai toh sch me dil se bura lgtz hai.. par ek baat me khudse yhi kehta hun agr na baat bni toh jo b job mile jesi b mile karluga... atleast mumy satisfy toh rhegi..ab aage isse kya bolu din rat sawal uthte hai man me.. kahi na kahi javab b me janta hu apne application ka.. dukh toh hoga ki ek toh itne pese diye itna wait kiya sabar kiya itne bure din dekhe... itni mushkilo k baad file lgi aur vo b refuse hogyi... par kya kar skte hai.. kuch chize esi hoti hai zindgi me jinpar hmara koi cntrol nhi hota...mumy ne sahi kaha usdin ki deep me tere liye sirf dua kar skti hu par ab tu apni kismat me kya likhvake aya hai vohi milega tujhe teri kismat nhi badal sakti.. isiliye mene sochna b chod diya iske bare me.. vo baat hai hi nhi na umeed.. sirf 1 percent ummed hai toh apni mumy ki duaaon ka ki jesa vo chahti hai mereliye thik vesa hi hojaye.. par sirf me pray kar skta hu aur kuch nhi... rahi baat pallvi ki toh bhut yaad krta hu pyar bhi bhut krta hu.. par mere dil me pallvi k liye koi gilz shikva nhi hai aur na hi kbhi hoga.. kyuki usne toh mera wait b kiya par me hi sahi time pe nhi ponch paya,,,