Notes

I miss you, I miss my baby :( . He's so understanding and just so sweet. I still care for you even tho you cheated on me. I didn't deserve that so why'd you do that? To me bro like why me? I never disrespected you besides that one time I hung out with another guy for literally only 30 minutes if not less. I didn't do anything with him and even if I truly wanted to I still wouldn't have been able to because my step mom was able to see me. It doesn't matter anymore but I just hate the fact that this whole time that I've known you I have never ever thought of you being a cheater. You aren't-weren't like that, what changed? Now you got me over here questioning if this was the first time or second, third, maybe even 4th time. I still hope the best for you and that you're doing good. The only bad that I will ever wish for you is that you realize what you did to me and feel like a complete dumbass or for someone to do the same to you especially when you feel the way I did about you. I'm glad that I was the one that broke up with you but at the same time I hate it because maybe it would be easier to left go of you completely after you showed me you didn't want me anymore. I don't want you and I know you don't want me but it'd be easier to live with the fact that you were officially done instead of cheating. I'm in something way better and I have this feeling I'm going to get played and I blame you. I don't want to but I do, I never believed people when they said that it truly changes your perspective on relationships. I've always been the type to say "not every guy is like that," "it shows you what kind of person they truly are," "you got rid of something really negative in your life so be happy and appreciate it," "everything happens for a reason." I know you've never been good for me but the way I am that will never stop me from doing something I want to do or get something I want. I'm stubborn like really really stubborn but I've learned to me more stubborn with you. Especially you, what I mean by being more stubborn with you is that I have to be more stubborn about not ever getting back together with you ever again. I would love to be your friend because you're really chill and funny and facetime calls with you are so freaking funny I swear but you're still always going to have this negative impact on me and my life. You always come back when I'm happy, doing good or barely forgetting about you. Not this time Michael, I'm officially done with you. Forever. I sound so cringey and extra but I'm being fr I'm tired of ruining good things and myself for you and you aren't worth it. At least not for me, of course there are other girls and maybe you are for them. Why do you keep doing this to me though? Is it genuinely because you feel something for me deep down inside that doesn't let you fully get over me? Is it because you know I'd take you back in a heartbeat? Do you just get really bored and think I'm fun to do stuff with or flirt with? I'm tired of thinking about this and you. Thank you for making me happy when you did like when you would text me goodmorning first or hype me up. But I hate how you made me feel when you didn't respond for hours, always found some type of excuse not to go out with me when I invited you out but yet you went with your friends. I'm not trying to compare you and Dj but he invites me out literally every weekend to the movies, he randomly reminds me of how cute I am, he respects me, he doesn't want to ever hurt me, he keeps his word, he keeps things between him and I, he doesn't lag on me, he tries to find any little way to talk to me, he actually misses me and reminds me every second of the day. I could go on but then it'd make me hate you and I think that if I do I'm going to lose myself because you showed me many things about myself and helped me grow because of your fuck ups and mine that were with you. I hope you get the girl you were hiding me from and I hope you guys are happy. Just treat her well don't hurt her, but I don't know it's dumb to continuously wish the best for you when you don't do the same thing for me. I'm dumb but I will never disrespect you or hurt you on purpose and if you don't know that about me yet, after all the time you've "known" me then you obviously don't "know" me. I think the devil is trying to make me fuck up and try to get with you again and ruin something good that I have with Dj. I'm not going to let him, Dj is one of the best guys I have ever been with and he's genuinely such a good person. I'm not saying I'm in love with him or anything but I know he's going to make me fall in love with him.