Notes

The wording of this whole thing felt very negligent of how I feel. When you tell me really hard things that affect my feelings and then immediately do something that makes it so i cannot communicate with you and force me to wallow in my feelings, it makes me feel that you either don't care or don't get how it makes me feel. I just wish this wouldn't happen. Even though there might be empty space or quiet moments, I would prefer if those serious times would be wholly focused on the situation and us two. It makes me feel a ton better because i know that I have your attention even when its hard to do it. Being vulnerable and open and talking about things is still hard for me. I still sometimes (rarely) find it extremely challenging to be on that level (generally). and when I get to that point I need to know you'll be able to be there for me so that I am still able to keep getting to that point with you. <-- that last sentence isn't an urgent problem, but I can foresee it developing. I really appreciate you Steph. Hopefully someday I can communicate that to you in a way that really makes you understand. You're literally the first girl I've been with where I feel fully willing and ready to give into the growth together and the working together even when its hard. And that's definitely because of how amazing you are to me and how comfortable you make me feel. But I know that in time, that could be lost if I don't get the attention necessary when addressing these things that affect me emotionally. I know you care. I really do. But knowing you care and feeling that you care are different; one is constant and the other has the capability of not being constant or feeling constant. I love you Steph. I'm really sorry that your dad is being such a piece of shit. I really think I would fight my dad if he treated you even half the intensity your dad does. I think I'm finally starting to get it. I'm really sorry for not being understanding sooner.