Notes

ok so going from left to right. reading into things is shit i do a lot too. idk why but like sometimes i feel like people say things for a reason and hope you catch up onto it. and then other times they leave you hanging with a phrase and it just keeps sticking around and u repeat it in yo head and try to figure out what they tryna say and it fucks with your mind. fking hate it and i dunno how to fix that :( --- i still sleep with my blankie cuz it aint broke so i dont need to waste money to buy anything else and whyyy, its so comfortable and cool during the summer but i freeze my shits off during the winter but its like a piece of me no one will ever know and its soft and shii, i was so happy when i grew taller than it in middle school. --- bruhh u aint too dumb for nursing school. swear to god, u aint dumb, like periodt. i bet u have a higher GPA than me rn. like actually one of the things i admire about u is ur work ethic. i always see u grinding out study seshs and notes and study guides and reviews and im like over here tryna organize what homework thats due tmrw. i feel like ur on top of ur shit all the time and it's something i look up to alot. every1 is dfferent but in the end, all that really matters is where you end up. its not where you go now or what your status is currently, SUCCESS or being successful IS LITERALLY WHEN YOU ARE MOVING IN THE DIRECTION OF YOUR GOALS. that is what success means to me. it makes me see and appreciate how far ive gone now everyday and not the mindset where "OH ILL BE HAPPY WHEN I GET THERE" and i just love life more that way . it may be little baby steps or big leaps and sometimes shit happens and there is a fork or detour in the road, so you have to go around but the destination is still the destination. as long as you moving in the direction of ur goal, ur successful. oh and also pls stop calling urself dumb cuz like hard work beats talent all day everyday. like maybe people with talent and good work ethic can pass u up but thats like the rare few and i know if u keep working hard, you gonna get there sis and i know damn well u are capable of that--- high expectations is something i also do for myself. i think never being satisfied is good, because u know u can do better and its like a kick in the ass to do better. like whenever i dont meet expectations (which is majority of the time) its like "oh dylan u fooking suck, what happened". i try to like understand what went wrong and why it went wrong so i can imrpove next time. idk what im tryna say but like i also think high expectations gives me room to grow and challenge myself. low easy to reach goals make me feel mediocre and theres no motivation to achieve something u know you can get. its when the goal is right outside what u know u can do, u just grind until u get it and it expands ur realization of what ur capable of. u cant grow in a small environment when u already a big girl. --- im insecure bout my body too. i just want some thick juicy quads and a nice ass. one reason i started lifting or bodybuilding is that i can isolate and focus on what i wanna grow. its like when i spot a problem (something im lacking) i can do certain things to fix it and do it over time. its like "you dont like what you see, well heres a vague idea of bla bla bla and how to fix it. it gives me like a new mindset. i know a few female friends that also want to be skinny and i say this with all love and respect and this isnt directly at u or anyone, its what i tell every1 but 1. pls dont hurt urself by going to extremes to achieve the physique or body goals u want in a set time period for example hot girl summer 2. every1 is built different and respond to different stimuli accordingly so dont fully believe stuff people tell u or u find on the internet, do ur own research and take everything with a grain of salt. 3. any diet works for you if u enjoy doing it, and your calories intake matches your goals for weight gain or loss. 4. focus on fat loss and not weight loss cuz weight loss could also mean muscle. 5. just overall enjoy fitness and being healthy because in the long term, itll increase longevity and happiness :) --- i have no comment on snoring besides the fact that it helps me tell if someone is fake sleeping or not. i snore when my head at a funny angle. --- im fcking indecisive as shit and i say idk a lot and sometimes i mean it but most of the times, i dont want the responsibility of making decisions cuz i dont want blame coming back on me. --- shit i wanna die knowing i made some people happy. i just wanna know that i changed someone or helped them move in a direction that made them into a better person. i dont need to be acknowledged or recognized for that and i rather it just be between whomever i impacted but i just wanna know they are in a better place. theres like a quote or sum that says, someone is happier because u exist and yea. like when i started typing all this, i just want u to read and like know im trying to empathize cuz i am and i hope it makes u feel better cuz thats what im tryna do. or hopefully im nudging you in the right direction even if its just a little bit. --- FUCK U CANT VISIT THE MOTHERLAND??? GAHDAMN WE NEED TO GET U A BUBBLE NET OR SOME SHIT CUZ VIETNAM FIRE ASF RN. i feel really bad cuz aint skeeter syndrome when u get huge ass swollen balls when mosquito bites? we need a cure for this cuz this big sad. --- me too. i like closure and i dont fcking care how bad it ends, i just wanna know the truth and ill leave ya in peace. i just want an honest answer no matter how much it hurts, its good to end shit or else its can get toxic and i get over that shit slower cuz yea. --- i think ur a great person tho and im sure ur best friend is also great but sometimes u just gotta hype yoself up in private and know u the baddest person alive. idk if its just me but im pretty sure people are naturally drawn to u and u just dont see it. u have a certain personality that attracts a certain crowd and ur friend has another one that attracts another crowd. or maybe thats how society is today which sucks and one person is a bigger magnet but like dont conform. we all love u for u. --- ok for this nicotine thing. im not ur dad, mom or sister or doctor or Greg Doucette IFBB PRO so i cant really give u advice and im in no position to yell or scold but like i care and i would straight up say not to do it, its unhealthy bla bla bla which it is but ultimately its ur choice and i cant stop u but like i just hope it doesnt hurt u shortterm or long term but if it does, ill be sad cuz i didn't do enough to push you into the right direction to ur dreams, goals and aspirations. pls dont die, ty. ---- ive never seen u as tryhard or talk a lot, i just see u as an extrovert doing extrovert things and im just an introvert watching and listening and not conversating. i legit dont know how people can make small talk so easily somtimes over the smallest things and never run out of things to say. im gettin gbetter but something im still working on. thank you freshman year of college --- no comment on the scar --- bro u already a bad ass bitch. thats why u an ABG. i think theres like a current society thing where people will look down on u if you claim urself as an ABG but if u get called an ABG, its a huge compliment. so heres ur compliment LOL. ur badass and ur you and u also working on urself and tryna grow and thats all shit we about here. pushing each other to best our best selves. i know im growing when i look back at shit i did in the past and cringe. cuz i know i changed and im happy bout it. like be humble but also hype yoself up once in a while. --- im bout to expose myself HAHA but like masturbating before sex makes it way easier to put a condom on. also, psst if u do FWB, the best positions no matter where u do it have got to be missionary or doggystyle and u didnt hear it from me cuz im a child of god.