Notes

march 21 2019

a day i’ll never forget.

that day was really tiring. school was over, and my classmates planned on going to a boba shop after classes. i said, fuck it, why not?

we go to the spot, and my batchmates say they’re there too. plus; place was packed. a bunch of students from other schools were there too. not exactly the best place to meet up.

so we order our shit. the guys and i get 5 medium milk teas. the girls order their shit too. i forget what theirs was but in both cases it was taking a while. 15 minutes becomes 30, 30 minutes becomes an hour, and a dad starts shouting at the staff. “they’ve been waiting here for an HOUR!” i couldn’t blame him, i was getting pent up too.

i tried to be understanding bcs they were like 2 dudes handling 3 different schools but this man just went off. eventually, i get mad too, and start smacking my fist against the counter. nothing’s shaking luckily, it was granite or marble. everyone kinda noticed my anger, i think the girls were giving me a weird look. i kept punching shit, my knuckles got a bit red.

raphael & pete walked me outside the building. i punched one of those like metal fence things for construction. it kinda cooled me off but i was still pissed. then, the orders come. but it’s 5 large? oh, wait, that’s someone else who ordered after us. our order note is missing.

i am infuriated lmao. i feel like choking the fucker out, he’s literally ignoring me. after almost 2 hours i think? i finally get our drinks. the girls haven’t gotten theirs yet. but, we have to go. we say our goodbyes and leave.

a lil bit afterwards, i talk to someone i consider my best friend. i’ve had feelings for her for a while. a mutual understanding i’ve had with someone else ended a lil over a month ago. my dumb ass decides to call her to see if she’s okay. she tells me they fucked up her order and forgot one.

i try to comfort her, but i don’t do jack shit. i don’t know what came over me. i felt like they were someone i didn’t want to feel bad. someone who deserved the world? i guess. but. in the middle of trying to tell her nothing was her fault.

i told her i liked her. a million thoughts like “what the fuck is wrong with you? she’s gna hate u now dumbass. why’d you do that? ur so weird. do u think saying this to her makes u have a chance? idiot.” and so go on for a good 12 seconds. complete silence.

she asks “what?” my brain tells me im fucked. i ask “what?” as a joke, hoping for the one chance i didn’t come off as a jack ass after talking for 5 months.

i thought i was screwed.

then she says back a “what?” as what seemed like a joke too. and, for some god awful reason, my brain sends out a shitload of serotonin, making me feel the calmest i’d been since i started the call.

she tells me she likes me too. and im panicking on the inside.

we talk a bit more about our feelings and open up a LOT. and that day started smth really fuckin cool.

for the past 365 days, i’ve been in love with a girl who’s made me feel safe from everything.

thank u xo
i love u so much