Notes

Eta skinny dipping er kodin porer ghotona. Sokale uthei ammu call disilo bashar kaj thik thak moto agachhe kina, porashuna kemon hochhe evrything. Mowrir satheo onekkhon phone e kotha bolsi. OKay technically my E3 schedule started today, but the EA Play event was totally optional for me so I decided to take my time before heading to my hotel today. I slept in a little, and I started making a big breakfast. Eggs, and hash browns, plus bacon and biscuits for my dad. I was trying to let him sleep in but the sound of the sizzling bacon, and the crackling oil in the pan woke him, so he took a quick shower and joined me in the kitchen. I was a little more dressed than I typically would be because of the oil, a t-shirt, sports bra, and slightly thicker yoga pants. I felt a little bad about leaving him home alone for the majority of the next week, so I guess this was an attempt to ease him into it. Amar event chilo sylhet e.

Me “Are you sure you’re going to be okay for the week? Do we need to pick up anything for around the house before I go?” I asked while prodding at the bacon.

He sat on the stool at the bar that faces the sink. “I’ll be fine, just don’t let Munira know I’m unsupervised.” I scoffed at that and shook my head. “I think I’m good on supplies and stuff. Dont worry moumi I'll get like, pizza and stuff while you’re gone, anything else I need I can always go get myself.”

I couldn’t help giggling.
Me: “Do you remember the time we were home alone for the weekend, and I told you if you promised not to tell ammu I was spending the night at a friend’s house?”

“Yeah I- oh my god did you spend the night at HIS house?!” He sounded genuinely concerned or something.

“God no, I actually really did go to Oishi’s house, she was having a rough night because her boyfriend dumped her after confessing he’d been cheating on her with another guy, or- it was some kind of crazy drama like that.”

“Oh- jeez.” He muttered.

Me: “Yeah. Anyway, I didn’t end up staying the night because she fell asleep super early, and when I came back, you and two of your friends were busy playing Smash in your room, and when I got to MY room, the light was on.”

“Oh?” He barely uttered.

I served our plates at the coffee table. I started eating a little, and he went to the cupboard to grab glasses and started opening the fridge.

“What do you want?” He asked. “Orange juice? Mi-Shit! We never ended up getting milk last weekend!”

I laughed, “Dad amra ei pura weak e breakfast e bashay korini?”

“I guess not.” He muttered.

“Ugh, I kind of wanted milk. What about you?” I asked as he closed the fridge while we talked this through.

“Hmm.” He went quiet and thought for a while. “What’s faster, having it delivered, going out to get it, or just using your own?” He asked suddenly, and when I turned to face him, shocked, he looked like he was already regretting it. Abbu nijeo bolar por red hoye gesilo, ami bujhtesilam na ki bolbo.

“Are you suggesting I just.... fill myself a glass of my own milk?”

He looked embarrassed, but nodded his head. “I mean, have you ever... tried it?”

I had a fork full of eggs in my mouth and waited to swallow. “Do you mean have I ever served myself a glass of my own milk to have with my food? Or just have I tasted it period?” Truthfully I’ve done both.

“Uhhh, just tasted I guess. Like have you ever been curious?” He was being cautious but he seemed to be getting steadily more comfortable asking.

Me “Of course I have. I mean, I’ve tasted it quite a few times to be honest.”

He looked a little surprised, but kept his cool. “Oh, wow. So... what’s it like?”

I started to feel a prickling heat crawling up my sides... and an ache in my breasts. My mouth went dry and I’m sure my face went red. “Uhhh, well... it’s like.... it’s really sweet. I don’t know, it’s kind of better than normal milk, to be honest?”

He looked deep in thought, like he was trying to process that, before finally just letting out a soft, “Oh achha.”

Suddenly the room fell quiet. Netflix was asking if we were still there, I don’t even remember what was on while I was cooking. I set my fork down gently, and could feel a strong pull to speak, it started from deep in my chest, and I tried to hold it back until it felt like the words erupted from me. “Do you want to try it?”

Saif trust me I couldn’t look at him, I tensed, and if the room was already quiet, it was suddenly sucked free of the noise pollution we created by merely existing. You could hear an ant stub it’s toe it felt so quiet in the apartment. Ami literally biral hatleo sound pabo erokom silent. Amar kan gorom hoye gesilo and I fought the urge to fill the awkward silence quickly and change the subject, play it off as a joke, anything, why couldn’t I think of anything to say? Allah amar mukh theke eita kemne bair hoilo!! How long had I been internally panicking? Maybe he didn’t hear me anyway, or maybe I could convince him he heard me wrong, maybe-

“Uh, really?” He softly asked, cutting through the silence, cutting through my anxious thoughts.

I turned to him and could feel my cheeks burning. “I mean... why not, I guess?” I kind of shrugged my shoulders and smiled awkwardly.

He shrugged his shoulders a little as well, as if weighing the decision, before cautiously putting forth a resounding “Sure?”

“Okay.” I responded, it barely came out, crackled and hoarse. Now the wheels in my head were turning as I tried to figure out how to do this.

“Um, how do... how do I-“ he tried asking, his voice jump started my thought process and I stood from the couch, making my way to the kitchen area.

I heard him shift in his seat, and thought he might have been getting up to follow me, and without even turning to face him, I held up a hand. “JUST-Just stay where you are, please.” I said, as I opened the cupboard and pulled out a small cup. Staring at it in my hand, I tried to decide the best way to milk. Was I okay with letting him watch? I’d never... let anyone see me do this before. I could sit on the floor and let the counters block his view of me. I figured maybe I should at least start that way, just in case I couldn’t get the flow going? Either way, I was incredibly nervous, and felt like I couldn’t think straight.

I decided to be a little brave and sat up on the counter, next to the kitchen sink, facing away from the living room with my back to him. With the cup in my left hand, ami just amar dan hat amar tshirt theke bar kore fellam, t shirt er right side amar ghare pore chilo tai, and amar sports bra er zip khullam, exposing my right breast. My nipples were surprisingly not hard, maybe from nerves, I wasn’t sure. GHarer dike matha niye pechone dekhchila majhe majhe alto kore and confirmed that my dad was staring at me curiously, seemingly on the edge of his seat. I felt my heart rate pick up and turned to face forward again.

I rubbed up and down my breast with my free hand, strumming my nipple with the broad side of my fingers until it started to get hard for me. Taking a deep breath, I held the cup to my breast, and started to knead the soft tissue, attempting to coax the milk from me. I knew I would normally have been full in a little over 6 hours, so I had a decent amount of milk to express. I rolled the nipple between my fingers, ignoring the sensation it was sending low in my abdomen, pulling at my breast gently, squeezing with my thumb, forward toward the nipple... but nothing was coming. Milk bar e hochhilona.

I cast a furtive glance back over my shoulder, where he was still watching, looking like he couldn’t figure out what to do. I turned back and set the cup down on the kichen table counter, pulled my arm through the strap of the sports bra, and took it off entirely, setting it aside and just leaving my top hanging loosely by the collar and down my back. I tried working over my other breast, watching as I could see the nipple hardening. I closed my eyes and thought about how I was once again topless in front of my dad, Not daring to look back again, I made the last ditch effort and held my right breast up, so I could gently suck on my nipple a little bit. As soon as I tasted a little bit of my milk, I switched to the other and suckled for a few seconds and the heat that was slowly building, then quickly grabbed the cup and held it to my left breast. The milk was finally flowing and I switched from nipple to nipple to keep them even until I had about a third of the cup full. I remember feeling like the sound of the gentle spray of milk, trickling into what was already collected in the cup, was incredibly loud, cutting through the heavy silence that had filled the room.

I planted my feet on the floor and slid off the kitchen table counter, with my arm covering myself, jototuku pari amar breast dheke rakhsilam. I tore off a section of paper towel, and dampened it with sink water to dab at my nipples and clean a little bit so I could put my top back on, leaving the bra on the kitchen counter. Ami t shirt ta porei I had been avoiding looking at him this entire time, but I finally made eye contact, gingerly holding the cup over the sink.

“Are you sure you want to try this?” I asked, only noticing afterward how serious I was being.

He nodded. And I walked around the counter, making my way toward him, a complete bundle of nerves. I didn’t know what I was going to do if he thought it was gross, but I also didn’t know how to handle it if he really liked it. I offered the cup to him and he took it from my hand. He was about to put it to his lips when he stopped.

Dad “This isn’t too weird for you, is it?”

I shook my head, “No dad if it isn’t too weird for you.” My voice was so dry and crackly the first few words came out like a weak whisper. I swallowed hard as dad tipped the cup to his lips again. My heart was absolutely racing and I was wringing my hands together in nervousness. He tilted the cup a little more, and then reached a point where dad made a sort of “Hm” noise that I couldn’t read, and tilted the cup further until he had swallowed everything I’d given him.

I felt like my eyes were wide. I felt nervous as he looked into the cup for a second and up to me, smiling warmly. I couldn’t even ask what he thought, I couldn’t move. I don’t know, maybe this seems really stupid for me to be so hung up and emotional about but over the years, my milk has become very special to me. I think of my milk as a gift it’s precious to me. Maybe that sounds over dramatic and like I’m vastly inflating the importance of it, but that’s just how I’ve felt, so saif hopefully you can understand what was going through my head, and through my heart at this point.

He licked his lips quickly and finally spoke, “Wow. That’s... actually pretty good.” He nodded and inspected the cup like it was the source or something. But I felt a heat radiating through me.

Me “Really?”

Dad “Yeah. It’s like... really sweet and I don’t know. Kind of rich? I was expecting something like... watery and bitter or something? Like... skim milk maybe.” He chuckled a little at that and I kind of quickly exhaled through my nose and felt the corners of my mouth turn up ever so slightly. I held out my hand and took the cup from him so I could quickly return to the sink and wash it before sitting next to him on the couch.

Me “Dad You know, you’re the only person who’s ever tasted it before. I mean, other than me you are the only one”

He shuffled uncomfortable in his seat. “Whoa. Moumi Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah. I really don’t think there’s anyone else I’d trust enough with that right now. Dad I trust you” I answered calmly.

“Oh.” He whispered, and licked his lips again. “Well, it’s like... actually really good.”

“Thanks,” I said, tucking my feet under myself and resting my chin on my knees, “I made it myself.” and I laughed kind of.

He also laughed at that, surprisingly hard, and I just smiled to myself and let him calm down. When the laughter faded he turned to me, “Moumi, were you sucking your own boobs over there? Ami dekhte parini valo kore tumi pechon diye chile upore bose counter er”

I felt myself blush. I mean it wasn’t a secret, but I didn’t expect him to actually address it. “Uhh, yeah?”

Dad “Wow. That’s kind of cool that you can do that. I mean... kind of hot.” He trailed off at the end but I still heard.

Me “Oh? Good to know I guess.” I smiled, and honestly I was nervous on at that point, but still coming down from the nerves form earlier, so I just let the tension in the air clear a bit. I wasn’t about to push anything when I was about to be out of the house for like a week anyway. After a bit I got up and finished up packing. I left my bags by the door, and then stood by the switch.

“You know, getting a taste of my milk comes at a price.” I teased dad.

He looked up from his phone, “Hahaha What’s that?”

I slid the Switch up out of the dock and into my carrying case. “Ami eta 1 week er jonno sathe niye jachhi”

He sighed and laughed. “FINE. I GUESS that’s fair.” He feigned a pouty attitude and I skipped over to him and gave him a quick hug.

Dad “Be good, stay safe, I love you moumi. You are my sweetest daughter you know. Text if you need anything! If you need money call me”

I gathered my bags, and left to the airport to go to sylhet for the event.