Notes

Dear Universe, the divine almighty,
now, you have probably heard my selfish plea to make a wonderful girl who you have brought to me disappear from my life, ending things abruptly. You're probably wondering why I would deny such a gift and why i wont end things myself. Why am I making you do all the work for me? Well, i sincerely apologise for this but I think that I deserve this desire as i am a living creation on this earth, keeping the world spinning the way it is now. Tell you exactly how I want things to go?
Well, I want it to be at day. She will memssage and tell me that she wants tto end everything. She is not ready for anything serious and she can tell that neither am i. she's damaged and doesn't think that she's good enough for me, just wants to be friends. The conversation goes relatively smooth but there's still a sad undertone to it, causing me to cry a little that night. She doesn't want to be with me and makes that very clear, but promises a strong friendship. I am elated by this news by the next morning but hide it very well, telling all my friends how sad the whole thing was but that i understand and wasn't ready also. I'm not lying, a relationship is too far fetched right now. Especially one with a girl. Am I even gay or do i just like the occasional pussy thought? That's the truth here and im just playing with her feelings. Fatima will find someone else. Fatima will be the one to end things. I will be left guiltless. Is that fair? No. But i have the power to create my own reality, and this is how i want things to go.

Mon Cheri:Faith: I hope you're good. Can we talk for a moment about something? It's been on my mind for a while.
Me: Yes of course. What's up?
Mon Cheri:Faith: I'm sorry if this seems rather sudden or upsets you in anyway. I know everyone says this but it's genuinely not you, it's me. I don't think that I'm ready for a relationship or anything serious right now. Oh god I feel like such a head fuck right now, I didn't mean to waste your time. It's just overtime I've realised with us speaking that i need to open my eyes to my current issues and i cant fcus on someone else right now. Sorry if im rambling but im just not ready and i dont reckon you are either. Hope we can still be friends and meet up after this of course.
Me: Oh, i mean thanks for telling me this now honestly im glad you did and i completely respect how you feel youre entitled to feel so. Don't apologise, it was good while it lasted and I enjoyed speaking to you. Wish you the best and hopefully we can still be friends :)x
Mon Cheri:Faith: Thank you for being so understanding. You're great honestly and i know you'll find someone you deserve it so much, so unnderated :)x
Me: Haha you're welcome of course and thanks. Speak another time ig? x
Mon Cheri:Faith: Yes of course, speak soon :)