Notes

I dont blame that. I know I did mistakes and fucked up. I was scared of following thuorhgt the choices I made and the feelings I had. And then I lied because I was scared. Be it with nyaan or with zain or later on with Dani and Navera. And I know you werent being controlling, you just took issue with me hiding it and lying about it. And Im sorry about it. I really am. I cant change what I did so all I can do is decide how I act in the present and future. And I did. And I stuck with my decision, knowing full well what the consequences would be. In fact, I cut them before I even went back to you, knowing the risk. But Id rather have no friends than fake friends. I never said I wanted to stop playing league, I didnt want it taking up so much of my time and life, so I dialed down, took breaks from it (which I stuck to and you yourself said I did). I been real with you for time now. I really have. With all of the mentioned above. With putting you as a priority. Again, ask if you want, see how many times I blown invites to play or hang out so I could be WITH YOU. Because thats what I wanted. If anything, what feels shittiest to hear isnt your bad feelings towards me, because thats earned and I knew you could have them and I said it the first time we talked that it was up to me to make the wrongs I did to you what right, but things like "you put x thing above me" when i constantly do the opposite, but I guess if I dont brag about it the moment I do it, its meaningless. You think I wanted to get swamped with work? Honestly the last thing I wanna hear is that now you think Id put work over spending time with you. I dont think that even needs to be said. We have indeed been through a lot and I know how much of a toll thats taken on you and Im sorry for that and I am serious about doing my bestest. I still am.

I know you made a huge effort. I know it and it means so much taht you did. Its why I been doing my best as well. Well, as for what I said, it was in the moment, because you just said an incredibly hurtful thing that seemingly came out of nowhere.
I know what you wanted is honesty amd I been giving it to you. I cut the contact with the ppl i said i would and i did. I been wokring on having my priorities focused and following them. Yesterday I spent my afternoon with you, because thats my priority. I may not be able to fix everything but I been trying and continue and Im doing my best. A lot of things happen and much of it is out of my control. Trust me, if I could control all of that, you konw damn well what Id do. I made promises and I intend to keep them. I know a lot of things can happen, I hope youd understand that too. If I promise you to be there to watch adn then I get swamped with work, its not me ditching you isnt it? Have I not been here for you though? Have I not been focused on you and when we are talking literally nothing else happens to me or around me because its all I focus on? and when you needed a shoulder to cry or just someone to talk to, have I not been here? I been sticking to my promises as much as possible.