Notes

Every year, it was the Pharaoh's solemn duty to go to the banks of the Nile, disrobe, and masturbate. A great many other men would follow him, and when the Pharaoh was done, they too would bash one out on the banks.
Further, it was believed that the Pharaoh had to be sure that as great an amount of his gentlemen's relish as possible landed in the river itself rather than on the land in order to guarantee a good future harvest.
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Peter the Great scoured the Russian Empire in search of dwarfs and giants in an effort to breed a race of each, while he couldn't find enough giants he found many dwarfs.
He would bake a huge pie and have a dwarf get naked and wait inside it to jump out and scare guests.
In addition to using them as regular stewards and servants and such.
That was the tip of Peters crazy.
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Royal family members had people witness them having sex so they could confirm the legitimacy of the heir.
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John F. Kennedy was dating Miss Denmark in the 1940's, and when they stayed at Sumter House in Charleston the FBI bugged their room because they thought she may be a Nazi spy. Turns out they didn't hear a lot of conversation, but instead a lot of NSFW time. The reason the FBI thought she was a Nazi spy was that she was Adolf Hitler's companion during the 1936 Summer Olympics.
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The Mayans weren't very good at making alcohol, it tasted bad so they would give themselves enemas of it so they wouldn't have to drink it. They also used mixtures of psychoactive plants. They also strung what was essentially barbed wire through their urethras and their foreskin because they thought it brought them closer to the Gods - and this was after days of fasting and bloodletting and autosacrifice.
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John Harvey Kellogg--one of the Kellogg brothers who invented breakfast cereal, advocated for sewing silver wire through boys' foreskin to prevent them from masturbating. He also was super into shitting... he invented cereal and other foods so it would give a workout to your colon, and he made a chair that supposedly shook and made you shit yourself. AND, he had a sanitarium that famous people such as president Taft went to, and the residents there got 3 enemas a day. It was a sort of cult almost.
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When Marie Antoinette was imprisoned by the French citizens, they took her kids. Then they had her oldest son raped by prostitutes so that he would contract their STDs. They then tried to use this as grounds to try her for abusing her children. The accusations went nowhere. So the poor kid was given a ton of venereal diseases for nothing.
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The dresses and corsets worn by women in the court of King Louis XIV were so cumbersome and difficult to get out of that women would often take a dump in the hallways of the Versailles palace during grand balls.
The morning after the corners of the hallways in the palace would have piles of shit stacked up that the servants would have to clean up.
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French President Felix Fauré died getting a blowjob from his mistress. The mistress was called "La pompe funèbre". It's "funeral home" in French, but it's a pun because literally you can translate it with "The funeral pump".
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Thomas Granger was the first juvenile to be executed in what would become the USA. He was convicted of "buggery with a mare, a cow, two goats, several sheep, two calves, and a turkey", and hung in September 1642.
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In addition to all the other hijinks Columbus got up to, in later years, he ran a sex slave business from the New World. He remarked in a letter to a friend that nine-year-old girls were a particularly hot item with the nobility of Europe.
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In early Japan, High class Japanese often had boys/men on the side they would use for pleasure. It wasn't seen as gay or wrong because that concept hadn't been imported from the west yet. They were considered a mistress and were usually well taken care of.
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Lyndon Johnson was known for pulling out his dick during meetings. He used to also call people in while he was taking horrific shits and conduct meetings with them in the bathroom while he finished and if they didn't, he'd leave the door open and shit while talking to them from the bathroom as they stood in another room.
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The Welsh would often go to England to steal sheep, this was punishable by death, so when they were caught they would say that they went there to fuck the sheep, which was not punishable by death.
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Johnny Appleseed didn't go around planting apple seeds just because. He sold the trees to settlers and they used the apples to make booze. Tasty apples are a mutation and apples trees used to make edible apples don't come from seeds, they come from grafting other tasty apple trees.
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Apparently, During the writing of the declaration, Ben Franklin would sneak off at lunch. Someone would always have to go fetch him and they would always find him in the middle of a room surrounded by naked women. He was also forbidden from writing the Declaration of Independence because they were worried he'd insert jokes into it.
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Anne Frank's diary talked a lot about masturbation, but most of it was edited out.
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Ben Franklin liked to take air baths, meaning he would just sit on his balcony for hours, naked.
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I'm posting the exact same thing every time this comes up.

Unit 731 and the Comfort Women/Sex Slaves.

Excerpt from one of those Sex Slaves' Diary:

"You will be treated good if you dedicate yourself to the Emperor. "

I was forced to have sex with 10 ~ 15 soldiers every night.

Then I got pregnant, but with they removed my uterus with fetus, because they thought I was still 'usable'

On August 27th, a soldier with a sword asked, "Who can serve a hundred soldiers?" 15 girls who didn't raise their hands were killed as an example to the rest of the girls.

Soldiers took a naked woman by her head and feet, and rolled her on a board with nails protruding out.

Blood spurted and flesh dangled on the board. Soldiers boiled the dead girl's head. And forced other girls to drink that "soup"

On Dec. 1st 1933, an officer killed a girl by stabbing a metal stick in her womb.

On Feb. 4th, one girl had heated iron stick brutally shoved in her womb and died immediately just because she didn't notify to the officers that she had syphilis and eventually transferred it to one of them.

After her death, there was burnt flesh left on the red heated iron stick.

Soldiers covered girls' whole body with tattoos by intending to kill them in the first place.

One Chinese man saw those girls being thrown away by the Japanese soldiers.

After they were gone, he rescued two girls who were barely alive, and nursed them for two months.
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The US had a eugenics program into the 70s that sterilized thousands of women, mostly black/poor. They would often do this under the guise of an emergency appendectomy post birth. A woman gave birth to a rape baby and didn't know why she could never have children after. She was able to receive damages. Look up Buck v Bell.

Same thing in Canada, Leilani Muir awarded nearly a million dollars for wrongful sterilization. In a documentary I saw, the doctors that examined her nether regions years post surgery said it looked like a butcher had done it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leilani_Muir All because she had an IQ of lower than 70
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King Louis the 14th -the Sun king- is responsible for high heels. He thought they made his ass look great.
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How weird the marginalia in illuminated manuscripts were. Here are a few examples of what I mean, but there are a ton more (NSFW)
Edit: A few more examples
http://i.imgur.com/99iLHrx.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/XFY2nhA.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/nDUxOF4.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/3QC2MbG.jpg
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At Andrew Jackson's funeral, his pet parrot was removed because he would not stop cursing.
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The number of US Presidents who had affairs while in office is much larger than those who remained faithful.
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Empress Theodora of the Byzantine empire was a hooker, and came to power by hooking up with the emperor of the time.
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[mozart wrote some dirty songs] (http://mentalfloss.com/article/55247/3-dirty-songs-mozart)
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I actually didn't know until recently, but the Corps of Discovery only ate meat and had incredible constipation. One day they all ate pills they named "Thunder Clappers" which made them shit out everything immediately. BUT the pills had a bit of metal in them, so if you go out on the same as the same trail as the Corps of Discovery with a metal detector, you can find the exact place Lewis, Clark and the rest of the corps took the biggest shits of their lives.
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JFK cheated on his wife and was a super sex addict, dude fucked a lot of women, even saying if he doesn't have sex 3 times a day he gets headaches. And he had a hell of a pickup line. Ask not what your country can do for you -- ask what you can do for the president of your country.
Ask not what your country can do for you -- ask if you can do the president of your country.
FTFY.
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In Occupied Japan just after the treaty, the Japanese government rounded up Japanese women to service U.S. troops sexually. This was to prevent the presumed widespread rape of Japanese women.
It was called the Recreation and Amusement Association and was shut down eventually (after a few months) by GHQ.
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FDR's children actively tried to get him laid. They found him mistresses to fuck.
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