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I'm looking at how people see me through the computer camera above and I have so many things I want to change about myself. My face isn't symmetrical. My teeth are so jacked up and out of place. So much for "your teeth aren't that bad" from Mommy and Christina. My nose is crooked. My eyebrows are uneven beyond measure. The right side is much higher than the left one, which is noticeably longer. My eyes look concerning. The left side of my face droops and is lower than the right side of my face. My lips are definitely not even. My crooked teeth are the reason for that. In the dark, I don't look half bad. But that's because the shadows are covering up half my face.
I want to be pretty, God. According to society's standards. I want to be deemed beautiful in this world. I see how people look at me, and I don't want it. I don't like it one bit. I remember in Biology, this one gay girl told three girls they were pretty in less than a week. I remember she told Saleha she was so pretty next to me. She only gave me the "look," like she pitied me or something but I'm not quite sure, and that was it. I know I'm not pretty - but I desperately want to be. I want to be worthy enough to be in Chloe and Jayla's group. I want to be good enough, God. Please, I'm begging you. Make me beautiful. Make me gorgeous please. I'm desperate. I'll do anything. I don't want their stares anymore.
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