Notes

I'm emotionally unstable when I'm around him

I don't want to live with him because in the best interest of my life and my school life, staying here and keep going to Santana high school will better me a secure my future financially and I don't want to leave my friends.

I can't build a relationship with him because he is not someone I can talk to or even, in general, be around. There were instances where I tried to reach out with my feelings and I feel as though it didn't reach him or it wasn't important to him or he got angry at what I had to say even though he always says that I can tell him anything

in the past, when the one weekend he didn't say goodbye to me or say he loves me when I left, at that moment I knew nothing would change about him so I ended up not trying to have a relationship with him only because it was a one-sided relationship effort and even if he puts ion effort now, I don't want to put in effort cause I know that he is going to go back to the way he was before, all angry and always about himself. Before my mom died, she called him a narcissist. I looked up what I want and the key definitions were only thinking about himself, he always dreams of having a good relationship, believes that he can understand me or I can understand him which we both can't, his excessive need for admiration, a strong sense of entitlement, always saying"I'm your father", then act like one, he always uses me and exploits me, like I do something and he does something wrong and he uses me as an excuse for his failure, he does have a lack of empathy. he was on the phone the other day and I heard the way he talked to the women on the phone about insurance, he was really mean to her, I think he controls me because he is afraid that I have more power than him so he envies me, and finally he also has bad behavior and doesn't set a good example when I'm around, never putting his seatbelt on, being unsafe on the road, cusses a lot and is mean to others and my self. he just has a vibe to him that makes you want to stay away from him.

Another reason is that he acts all nice and good for a while, then goes back to being an angry man that has control issues. i was the same way, I would be all nice and caring(I'm still caring) but then I would go back to being sneaky and deceptive, which he is also sneaky and deceptive. one time he told me to lie to my mom about him having a new girlfriend and he would get me a gift card. my mom got really mad at that. So he exploits others, like me.


He is also really mean to his girlfriend Lauren. On Thanksgiving, when we had our old roommate, my dad supposedly wanted a perfect thanksgiving, so when he was trying to cut the turkey, Lauren was just standing there in a daze and I was wondering if anything was wrong but before he cut the turkey, my dad got really mad at her that she wasn't taking photos and videos of him cutting the turkey and yelled at her and saying that she ruined the thanksgiving in front of my roommate and son. Later when I went to bed, thew walla are as thin as paper, so I could hear their conversation, and it was something about her not tagging him in a post on social media and they argued for an hour and during that hour, my dad had called her a fucking bitch.

Also on my 15th birthday, we went to the beach, and he rented me a scooter while they jogged but I thought it was going kinda slow, so I told my dad if we could try and rent a new one, and we found one, and I said thank you, but my dad has a hearing problem, so when I said thank you, I rode up the hill and he yelled at me to come back and said, wheres my thankyou but her yelled it at me. Then after that, when we went back to the car, he asked if I was hungry, I said yes and we were in the line to wendy's, he asked what I wanted and I said could I get a single with a frosty no cheese or onions and apparently he thought I was ordering him to get me food and slapped me really hard in the face on my left cheek. then he said that he wasn't getting me anything for my birthday or doing anything for my birthday party. so I was texting my mom and I was hoping to tell her but then he tried to take my phone so I resisted and put my head down then Lauren screamed at me to give him the phone and then he took my phone and said I scratched him which he scratched it from the car, and Lauren accused me of trying to bite him which I have a retainer, so I can't freaking bite you idiot.

For years, I have been asking my mom so stop seeing my dad, and the weekend that my dad didn't say goodbye, my mom called him when we got home, and she told him "ben has been asking me for years to stop coming to see ou but I keep telling him that he needs to have a relationship with his father but how can he have a relationship with his father if he doesn't even say goodbye to his own son when he is leaving".

The last reason why I don't want to leave is that I may not have very many friends, but I have good friends at Santana that my mom has met and said that I should keep them around and she is right. I don't want to be the kid that transferred in his junior year in high school when I could stay here and it would be easier to finish school at Santana while staying home with my stepdad and grandma.

So, in conclusion, I think in the best interest of my education and my personal life and mental, physical, and emotional health that I should stay here with my grandma and stepdad while continuing to go to Santana


sports
past girlfriends
slammed me into water and I got angry at him