Notes

2020-05-06
Today was one of the worst days of the week, quarantine can sure make people short-tempered. I've been holding my anger for years, I just want to let it out and show her but I know what my consequences will be. Living with my mom and seeing her face makes me mad, shes just go god damn annoying. I just want to punch her face so she would fucking shut up. She complains all the time but does she ever hear me complain? Like ok I didn't make the bed, Ok I didn't wash the dishes, mop the floor, wash fruits for you. but what am I? I'm not your servant, I'm your daughter. Every single time you see me you say I'm unless, you say I never get things done, you say I never do anything and I'm always on my phone. That's just the times I'm being me, relaxing, having my time. Why can't I ever just have joy and happiness, of course, I'm happy but you're the one who takes it away. I know you want to go outside and start your job but have you ever thought about me and what it feels like to be in my shoes? My life is harder than you think and it's only hard because of you. I understand I'm not that perfect daughter but nobody is perfect, could you please just respect the way I am. I just want a perfect mom too, but I understand that you cant be perfect nor the way I want you to be. I respect the way you are so can you respect me too. I know I'm lazy but aren't you too? You do your thing and make my food, clean the house, and other important things and I do homework, try my best at school, and learn. You depend on my future, and that's what I'm focused on but if you cant cooperate with me then nor can I. I cant raise you when your older is you're just going to treat me like garbage. It's not ok, I remember you said to treat others the way you want to be treated and if you're going to treat me like this then so will I. I'm done with your bullshit, once I get a job that'll keep me alive I will leave, your behaviour is not acceptable with me, you put me down. Of course, there are good things but there more bads than goods. I know you spend lots of money on me and take me to places but those don't matter, I don't care if we're rich or poor, I care about how you treat me. You treat me well when it comes to buying me things but not when talking and explaining. I want you to see this so you'd understand but I'm also afraid. This is why I haven't told you, its because you scare me and I shouldn't be afraid of you. You're my mom and there should be nothing scary about you. I know I don't eat much and I don't turn on the lights but these are habits, you shouldn't yell at me for my mistakes. I've written a lot, I want you to see this but I also don't, so if you do. Don't tell me, just change> Please. -Claudia ;(