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Maybe change "largest" to "highest"
Concentrations*
Probably just say Evangelical (already implies Christianity and make it a bit shorter)
take out the "that is" before determined
I'd start the sentence with "Power to Changer operates" instead, and add internationally rather than overusing Canada and the world/nations
Maybe give an example of how those films have changed people
envisioned*
achieving*
needed*
successfully instead of sustanibly
Instead of "why am I needed and..." (the question was structured a bit redundently) say something like "How will adding me on to the team help you?"
The conclusion should probably include some sort of thank you
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