Notes

:(( You do a much better job with jealousy than I do. I don't know why but all of my logic just goes away with you, normally I can logically deconstruct my problems to find solutions since I definitely run on logic more than emotion but with you it's different ;-; I've tried to tell myself that it simply doesn't make any logical sense to stress about it, cause if it's gonna happen it's gonna happen and I can't stop it. But for some reason it just doesn't work. And uh, I mean, based on how jealousy works - it's 100% all because of you, cause I'm scared of losing you to someone else. But I know what you mean. There are definitely some questionable things you do, but other than talking to Jaedin again behind my back I don't think there's anything else. I'm not trying to say that wasn't a big deal, it was a huge one, fucked me up a lot and nearly ended us honestly. But, there's not anything else really. Anything else you've done was based on a difference between our values, you think it's okay to be friends with exes and people who like you, and I disagree. You stopped that (for the most part) once I told you it was a problem for me. I appreciate that you're taking steps to make up for the Jaedin thing though, and just to improve things in general. You reporting him on your own accord without instantly telling me to earn some points was a pretty good sign that made me happy. I honestly don't get jealous about anybody specifically anymore, really. Just jealous about like, a stranger showing up and sweeping you off your feet. I haven't gotten jealous of Ant at all lately cause he seems like such a fucking piece of shit, maybe to the level of narcicism, that I know I can be 10x better than him as your boyfriend without even trying - and because I'm trying I'm like 100x better. But, even so I still have those rules that you might find ridiculous. Stuff like being friends with exes, friends with people who are into you, ect. I have my reasons for it. I know it's not something you wanna hear about, but when we broke up it took much less time than I'd like to admit for something to happen between me and Emily. It wasn't like I felt anything for her romantically in any capacity, hell I don't even know if I felt anything for her sexually either, but we were already comfortable with each other in that sense. We had taken that step before, revisiting is a lot easier than trying something for the first time. I think it's just too risky. And when it comes to being friends with someone who likes you, it has a less selfish part to it too. I mean, it's selfish in the way that I just don't want you talking to somebody who can subtly subconsciously make you believe I'm a bad boyfriend, and I think that it's impossible not to treat someone you're into differently in some way, even if it's not trashing their partner. Even if that's just calling them cute a little extra, that's bad. I also just think it's bad to keep them on the hook like that, hoping something will happen. I experienced that when I was still in love with you and you weren't in love with me, it was horrible. Just unfair for absolutely everybody involved, honestly. I love you. I know you love me, at times I certainly have my doubts but ever since the Jaedin thing I can tell you've made an effort to be better overall. I really can, you seem happier too. I'm happier to be with you, everything is better. I'm happy I didn't give up, and I'm happy to call you mine <3 I love you soso much.