Notes

hi, abbie. im assuming you're reading this, wishful thinking on my behalf I guess. i just want to tell you how much you really mean to me as a friend. we've known eachother a few years now, and you became someone I could really look up to as a person and i cared about so much id take bullets for you. and you helped make year seven one of the best years of my life. i just want to know what happened. did i ever do anything wrong to lose your trust, or make you dislike me? i have so little people to turn to anymore. i want to feel included by you and valued by you, but i know im just being selfish. im just being petty and mean and putting you down.

ive seen your snapchat story this holiday. im glad you looked happy and i hope you've had a good time, i really do. ill admit though, i do break down when i see you're with somebody else again. i know im selfish, i know im petty and this is over nothing but it just happens so often. unless i began a conversation you wouldnt have interacted with me this entire break. I've even been wanting to ask how you are, but i figured if you were with friends i shouldn't bother you with my useless ramblings. and i imagine this note comes off as useless rambling too, like im making a big deal over nothing. but it me this is a big deal because i want to be able to feel loved, i want to have friends that invite me places, make an effort and spend time with me. i know you probably dont care that i feel so low because of you and that's fine. it's just normal.

and if you choose not to be my friend after this that's fine too. i hope you'll be happy without me there but know ill always be there if you need someone to turn to because I truly care.
thank you if you read this. honestly, thank you.