Notes

Dear "Meriwether Qwuoochie",

There's an old saying that goes "Imitation is the greatest form of flattery", and I'm pretty sure you exemplify that to a tee. We're sure you think you're so clever in doing what you're doing. Attempting to impersonate us, trying to make it look like you really praise the Qwuooch, calling your business My Family, following all of the same people as us, etc. Now, we realize that what you think you're doing is funny, and to some it may be. But there's one thing that we want to drive home more than anything else. You are NOT Meriwether Qwuoochie.

In fact, you are so far from being Meriwether that it's laughable. You display no knowledge of the factory you claim to work at, you do not even capitalize Qwuooch, the being you claim to know so much of, you display none of the charisma of a true Our Family employee, you claim that you will weedwack the factory despite the fact that there are no weeds surrounding it. Just medium sized, jet black trees that hum tunelessly and will flutter even if there is no breeze.

Just from looking at the garbage you write, I can tell that you have nothing that makes an Our Family employee. You do not acknowledge the Grand Council (something which is mandatory of all workers), you have never given a fact of the day (again, mandatory), and you claim to be hosting a reconstruction even though we would have been told of it two weeks in advance by one of the Council's proxies.

You have never taken the inaugural blood oath for new workers, you have never toiled away at a work station while sirens blare from the overhead speakers at full volume, you have never had to clean the corpses of your fellow employees out of the conveyor belts and rafters, you have never fallen asleep with a masked figure hovering inches from your face to make sure you're not "up to no good" while you slumber, and most importantly, you have NEVER been a part of Our Family.

You are a charlatan, and nothing more. And from now on, we will think no more of you. We shall treat you like a phantom. Not the impressive ones, mind you, but like the ones who hang around the factory mess hall in the dead of night, constantly begging for food in their annoying, shrill voices. We will treat you the same way we treat them, with cold indifference, because they are not worth our precious time.

And to the followers of this "DaTrueQwuooch", just know that you are following a fraud. A sniveling little worm who is pathetically hanging onto the coat tails of the real Meriwether in an attempt to garner a small iota of popularity. If you choose to follow this huckster, fine, we will hold no ill will against you. Just know that you are following a delusion and nothing more.

That will be all. Goodbye, "DaTrueQwuooch", I hope you enjoy your little charade while it lasts.

Ominously,
The Staff and Employees of Our Family


P.S. Those were just the words of the regular staff. When pressed about this issue, all the Grand Council did was collectively pound their fists on the desk and say
"There is but one. He is not white, he is blue."
They then harmoniously looked to the ceiling and said
"Qwuooch reaps those who sin against him. And he hates the color white," before vanishing in a puff of orange fog.