Notes

Why the things that you want the most are likely the most threatening to your nervous system? Instead of finding yourself stuck and not able to step towards the things that you are really wanting, i used to describe it as feeling like i was stuck in a wheelchair. I knew that i could walk but i just couldn't get out of it. I knew where i wanted to go and the life that i wanted to have but i just couldn't get there. And a part that i didn't understand that i want to share with you is that for our nervous system, the protective parts of us that i like to call our own private navy seals that are working-your fight/flight/freeze responses that are working on your behalf to keep you safe from the things that they see as threatening. So the things that we tend to want the most in life are the things that we didn't get in some point and so desperately needed. So if you are wanting connection and vulnerability likely that may have been something that you didn't get early on in life. So there's this part of you that says yes i really want that i want what i never had i want that in my relationships and then these protective parts of you whoa wait a second Don't you remember when we tried that when we were 5 years old we were shut down or shamed for it so we are not going there again. Or maybe there's part of you says I really want to be seen in the world and step into my purpose umm or step out and be seen in whatever way. What can tend to happen is these protective parts of you will say 'Wait a second, don't you know it's not safe to be seen because last time you were seen when you were a child you might have been hurt'. So we need to hide. Those are just a couple of examples so i just want you to see so often our purpose, what we want the most in life, in our relationships tend to be the things that we didn't get in childhood and so this part of us says umm yes i want it and the other part says no we can't do that because last time it wasn't safe. Remember that the neuroceptive response that we all have to suss out threat whether or not it's there- that is based on past information. So if it wasn't safe to be vulnerable then in the past, these protective parts are gonna say it's not safe to do that now. So there's nothing wrong with you if you're having difficulties, if you found yourself in these situations where there is this part of you that so desperately wants these things in your life and you know that this is what your life is meant for, you want to step towards your purpose, your relationships are having a tribe. And then there is this other part that is so powerful that keeps pulling you back, that's not because there is something wrong with you, you have to address this from a somatic point of view and speak the language of the body which is non verbal. So it doesn't mean pushing through i hear a lot of people say just push through or keep going you're not doing enough. No, we don't wanna do that at all because when we push through we are not listening to our body and we do this expansion and then we come back to a big contraction because these protective parts of us say 'hey! you weren't listening to me so I'm gonna really have to protect you and i say put on us in almost like a cave of safety to protect us not to harm us. So what we have to do is take a tolerable implementary steps that show not tell our nervous system that we are safe. And if we just think a big picture like i really wanna have this full relationship or have 100% vulnerability or step into my purpose and there is such a two miles between where we are and where we wanna be that's much too big for our nervous system so we have to start taking small steps. They aren't really small steps because those steps are so incredibly hard and your nervous system will respond and it won't feel great at first and that's also the importance of understanding how to regulate your nervous system so that you can come up your autonomic ladder into your ventral state as you implement. And again, show not tell show not tell that's how we create a new experience in our lives as the opposite of the traumatic experiences we had in the past.