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- 'harry potter studios casts' so what. what does it give you? ideas? explain what it did for you
- 3rd paragraph remove the word 'through' and capitalise 'Taking', then take away the 'it' before 'has given me a chance'. reads better that way
- comma before 'such as' in the 3rd paragraph
- 'looked best on the cast' in terms of what. style? period? why did it look good?
- 'As I was in charge' and then remove the ; before 'i started to get'
- at school 'on' not 'of'
- 'scar creation' not 'scars creation'
- 'i experimented in making my own face casts using plaster of Paris and alginate.' then you might be able to say if they worked or not
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