Venting is good. It's the best way to let everything out and the best way to give me a chance to try to help you. I'm not gonna find someone better. I don't know why you said "it's happened before." Do you mean Bella? I decided to choose you over her and have not regretted that decision for even a second. Or Emily? She was never better than you. You don't fuck things over between us, we have issues but every relationship does. It's scary for me being without you, and I understand it can be scary thinking that you'll mess it up. I deal with that constantly. Just, when it comes to decisions regarding our relationship, put some thought into them. Really think about the effect it'll have. You'll have to work really hard to mess up my love for you princess. I know school is stressful, I wish there was something I could do to help. If there ever is anything I can do, I'll do it. If you need help with writing assignments, anything for debate, anything I can help you with I will. You're not alone. I know that all the stuff that's happened with your dad has hurt you, that's very obvious. He doesn't have "another family" though. You say that like you're not his family anymore, when you still are. You may not be as close, but you are still his family and I'm sure he still loves you. Maybe talk to him about how you feel, he may be under the impression that you don't want a relationship with him. That could be based on guilt or anything else. He might want more of a relationship with you too, but you're both just thinking the other doesn't. You never know until you know. I do wish I could go back in time and be there to stop you from cutting, I really do. I feel horrible that it's happened while I was around, I wish I could've stopped it. You're not stupid for doing it though, you're entirely aware of the consequences and that it's bad to do and that's precisely why you want to do it - at least, in the moment. I am happy you can look back and think it was dumb though, hopefully that'll stop you from doing it in the future. Your dad probably isn't disappointed in you, but he probably fears it. He most likely doesn't understand it, it's hard to understand for people who haven't been through it. My mom, as an example, has gone through depression and understands how impossible it is to get out of bed some days. My dad says that "you just need to decide to be happier." People who haven't gone through it can't understand it, and it's really as simple as that. I avoid talking to you about self harm past "not doing it" too, because I don't understand it. I just know it's bad, and you shouldn't do it, and that I want you not to. So that's the most I can say, really. As for the slam poetry thing, I really wouldn't worry about it much. The one you wrote about me was amazing (maybe a lil bit biased but still) and I loved it very much. You shouldn't do one shading Aliah, not only because it'll stir the pot for her, but it'll stir the pot for you. Spending time dwelling on a hatred for somebody isn't healthy. Go for something you're passionate about, like really passionate about. Talk about music, how it makes you feel. Talk about something you genuinely care about, and feel for very strongly. You say you wish you were pretty without makeup, but like "pretty" in what way? You're genuinely adorable without makeup. Cuter than you are with it on, when you have makeup on you definitely still look good (always do) but you're more hot, and almost intimidating. The thing that you're referring to as "pretty without makeup" is the instagram version of it, I'm sure. The people wearing makeup that say they don't, or the people photoshopping their pictures, or spending 60 minutes trying to find the perfect angle to make sure that one pimple doesn't show. Don't set the bar like that, overall, I genuinely swear that I'm not just saying this, you look good without makeup. You don't look photoshopped like you might want to, but you do look good. I don't know why you think you aren't funny or fun to talk to. I've laughed more with you than anybody. I laugh with you so fucking much, that's because you're funny and fun to talk to. You're fun to be around. If you genuinely feel like you aren't funny, then start developing that skill. Being funny is a skill, one you develop through practice, genuinely spend some time on trying to learn how to be funny until you're satisfied with how funny you are. I believe you're funny, but if you don't then I guess you need to be funnier. If you're gonna ask "how do I get funnier?" it's very simple. Think about things that have been said to/around you, and even if it's too late to say it, think about the funniest thing you could say. Eventually those thoughts will get quick enough that they happen in the moment of the joke, and that'll happen more and more. Sounds crazy, I know, but being funny, it really is a skill. If you want to be funnier, get funnier. Stop thinking you're keeping me up at night. I planned on staying up till 3-4 tonight playing DST with tree anyway cause I'm not looking forward to waking up and doing more moving stuff tomorrow. I was staying up late long before you, dear. Sorry to say it. Don't say you want to die when you don't mean it, and if you mean it we have a major issue. You really need to talk to your parents about therapy again, I'm serious with my time limit this time. By this Friday. You aren't fat, I don't know why you think that. I'm more overweight than you, it scares me that you think you're fat because you're gonna think I'm obese. Your mom saying stupid shit about Jesus is exactly why you shouldn't talk to her and why you should talk to a therapist. I love you, but you do really need one. I want you to be a happy girl.
