Notes

i dont get why i have to hide my feelings from so many people. i wish i could just shout them out and everyone would just hear them, understand them, be able to understand me, and accept me finally because they will know who i am:
1. Bi demisexual
2. I love scouting without all the crackheads, alcoholic, abusers, adulterers, killers, dream crushers, parent stealers, job theves, and mental constrainers. i wish that everyone in scouting understood what i went through all three years. i was 13, 14, 15 years old. i wish i could relive my life. i wish i could take back that time. i wish i hadnt wanted to work. i wish that i wasnt the girl who was willing. i wish that i wasnt there when it happened. i wish that my dad hadnt lost his job that year. i wish that i was able to not run out crying when my brother told me over the phone that he had no job. that i was the only working person in my family. i had to convince myself it wasnt my fault. that he had done something wrong. but i still had a job. maybe i wasnt expendable. maybe someone needed me. maybe someone cared about my life. maybe someone wanted me to still exist. but they got rid of me. i was trash. i was expendable. they could spend the money. they lied they wanted me to believe them. they thought that their appologies could drown the pain. they thought that i would never experience pain. they knew it would crush me. they expected an underaged employee to be forgotten about. that because i was so young that i would