Hey Christina, How are you ? How is it going ? Everything is going well lately ? I know it's kinda weired coming from me like this or just sending you or texting you like this, There's something happend with me and i swear of god i don't know where to start. This what was happening to me lately. Aaah there's an exam that i had before 2 weeks, it was on the first of august. Christina, In the last 2 months I've been working on myself so hard and i spend a lot of time of studying and i gave it all i can, I did everything to pass it, I spend my day and night , staying up the whole time wotking on my goal working on this exm so when it comes and when i arrive I'll be ready for it, ready to pass, ready to go threw it, Ready to make it happen, I lost something called sleep, every single time when i got tired while I'm studying i started to cry, cry, cry and cry because I'm so tired, but i look at myself in the mirror and say keep pushing keep studying keep trying don't you dare to give, you are already tired you've already cried, don't cry just like that push yourself to get something from it because i gave a lot of time and gave my whole life fot it, just to do it, and i kept pushing and pushing, and before 3 days from the exam, i got sick, and it got really so bad, i had to travel to another city to make the exam because it was in another city, and the day before i packed my stuff to go there, i spend my whole time in the hospital because i got so tired, but 5 am in the morning i told i wanna leave i don't care i wanna take my flight i wanna go i wanna catch my exam I'm not gonna let anything take me away from passing this exam because i worked on it the whole day and night for the last 2 months, and i went there and the day of the exam i was ready for it, even that i was sick and so tired, but i got my power from my heart, my heart pushed me, my heart told me stand up keep pushing you're strong you gonna make it, and i went there and i took the exam, and i did great, the time of the exam was exactly 5 hours, hour after hour non stop, i keep that concentration going the whole time, and after i finished i was feeling good i was feeling that i did good, and then i took my flight to get back home, i was waiting for the results because i had to wait for it fot 2 weeks, before 2 before the results came out i couldn't sleep at all, and the day of the results i went online to see my result if i passed the exam or not, and before i saw it i kept praying and praying for the god, and i went online and i saw my number and i looked at the result, and aaaaah..........I aaaaaa.......The result was that i didn't pass...In that moment i got shocked, I broke down, I've fall apart, I just broke down and i couldn't talk at all, and then i started to crying so bad, so bad that i started to scream around in my room, i cried for 3 hours and i didn't stop, and then i picked of my phone and start listing to something to cheer me up, and i started to cry all over again, looking threw the window and thinking about that whole time the whole nights the i spend working on it, and in the end i didn't pass, It was like taking the stairs to reach the top or the roof, and in the last step you fall all the way down and you get broken. This exam was the most important exam in my whole life, it was a life changing. Christina, I never failed in my whole life, I never did, I learned that i got to win every single chance or everything i do, and now when one of the most important exams in my whole life came i faild. In the last 2 days , I've been siting alone the whole time the whole day and night, looking in the mirror, talking to myself and say, What I've done? Was it me ? Why did that happened ? Is there's something that i didn't do to pass it ?..I'm really feeling kinda lost these days, When you work on something very hard and you don't get it you just fall apart you just feel tired and lost and you just feel that you can't get yourself up again and that you need a very very long time to heal and get back on your feet again. I worked hard for it because i had a lot of pain because of it, and i just can't take it anymore, I guess i got so tired and that's why i fall down in the last step to make it happen, But i believe that in the end of the pain is success, and i know when i fall i will learn and i will get stronger and stronger and in the next time i will be strong enough to make it happen, because i believe it's all about heart, it's all about heart, because your heart push you forward to do what you, to do it better, it's all about heart, but you need to know exactly how to reach that spot inside your heart where you can break that wall , the wall and the fear that takes the success from you even when you're seeing it in front of your eyes, and when you break that wall you gonna find a treasure you gonna find a power, a power that will take you into a whole new world, and that world is your world where you can be the best you, the best version of you, of yourself. Now i know you're asking yourself why I'm telling you all this why I'm telling all this stuff and what happend with me lately ? right ? Well I'll tell you know. You know that moment when the results came out and started crying really bad, the first person who came in my mind the firsy person who i saw in front of me was you, It's crazy right ? Like you gonna ask yourself why me ? We even never talked to each other, We don't know each other very well how could something happend ? It crazy right ? like why me ?. Christina, you know why ? Because i know that you're strong, that you spend a lot of time alone working on yourself just like me, because you think like me, because i know that you work on yourself when everybody is out doing stuff, going to partys, playing around or sleeping, because that's what will make you stronger, because i know that you have that same mind that i have and that is the mind that says (Keep pushing you can't fail you're successful you always are you was born to be successful you just gotta work hard on it) because i know that you keep everything away from you just to be alone and work on yourself to beat yourself and be the best person that you wanna be and you see in your imagination. And in this life today it's really really hard to find someone like that , taking that same road that you're walking into alone, because the road of success is a very lonely and hard road, and that's why the first one came in my mind and i saw in front of my eyes was you, because i know that you have the same mind, the same way of thinking and that you always keep pushing forward without giving up even when you're so tired and you feel like giving up but your heart push you forward to get yourself together and keep going forward again.
Christina, I never saw you in real i never met you, but you're so special and you're so so strong. And most important that you have that clean mind that amazing big heart that make you so special, And i even can't forget your beautiful smile.
I was not gonna tell you this whole story and stuff and what's happening, but i though and i told myself you know just tell her that you was thinking about her and that she came in your mind when it got really bad for you, because you belive in her and know that she got the most amazing heart, even that she don't know you very well. That's why i told you.
Aaah Chris, I'm sorry i took a lot of your time telling you all this, but i just wanted you to know, and hey you don't have to write back, because when i wrote you all this i just wanted to know what happend. Because i know that you exactly know how i feel about it and why i was thinking about you.
Hey, Aaaa whatever it is , I'm really sure that you're doing just great out there, because i know you do, Because i know that you're so strong, strong enough to make anything happen :)
Before i leave, I gotta a favor to ask! Aaaaa, Can you please keep smiling ? It just makes me so happy when you smile :)
God i talk a lot didn't i ? haha.
I cried 2 hours while I'm writing this to you, It was not my who was writing, It was my heart.
Hey :) , Please take care, stay away from troubles and keep doing great like you always do.
Talk soon, Keep your head up ;)
