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No girl was ever really interested in me. After having my finals this year, I met a girl on a dating app though that actually wanted to meet me.
We met and she was the nicest and prettiest girl I ever met and she was incredibly patient with me being super self-conscious.
We met a few more times in the following days and we got closer and closer. I had my first kiss and my first time with her.
We saw each other basically every day for a few months and I even got to know her friends and family.
I was pretty quick to say though that I didn't want a relationship, because I would move in October to study at uni - and so I did.
She agreed and we decided to only stay friends after I moved away. I now moved away and she visited me for a weekend.
She held my hand after seeing a movie and we slept in one bed. Nothing more happened, but also nothing less.
A week later she told me that she kissed her ex and went on a few dates. It completely crushed me.
I can't even be angry at her, because we decided to only stay friends, but it hurt and still hurts so much.
I now realized that I actually love her and I hate myself for not seeing that earlier. We've been going back and forth a bit,
but I decided to try being friends with her. I visited her and we went partying with her friends one evening.
She than, during the night, went home together with a female friend of hers to some random guys she met and did the obvious.
I was so done with the world, I hated my life and everything and again: I couldn't even be mad at her. I love her.
We communicated a bit afterwards again and she was very understanding. She told me that it might be better for me,
if we wouldn't talk for a while and I agreed. We now have 'radio silence', but I miss her so much and I don't know what to do.
I just feel lonely and like I missed the biggest chance of my life. I hate even thinking of her, not because I dislike her, but because I still love her.
Any ideas on what to do now?
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