Notes

I think when you read this, you will understand me better and see why I don’t want you to do the same things that I have done. You don’t know me as you think you do. Back when I was a freshman, sophomore and junior the summer when I became one and then I became a sophomore, I had met Tadasia. I know you don’t like me talking about her but, she wasn’t an ass to me, like I made you think. She loved me to death. But I never did love her and maybe that was for me to love you idk.. But I had meet her at a party when I had passed 8th grade. She was cool. And we started dating. During that time, I was friends with a lot of people that went to parties, smoked, drinked, and went to a lot of college parties, too. I was there. One thing that you don’t know me is that I have done everything. I have smoked. Weed, Cigarettes, e-cigs, I’ve bought weed before and everything. One time, me and my friend had picked some up and was going to a party and Tadasia was pissed at me. She told me not to do it or she would leave me. I didn’t care. I did it anyways. I am 100% not lying about this. i had always got it from someone I trusted. But, his supplier had got laced weed. I almost died. If one of my friends would have not got some pen like an epi-pen, i wouldn’t be here. I didn’t go the hospital, but that pin canceled out the reaction and I was fine. I had lost someone that made me happy. She left me. And for every good damn reason. Instead of spending time with her, i went to party, and almost died. I’ve kept this away that my mom doesn’t even know and she will never. I hated myself for it. But I kept doing it afterwards. I was sad, it was the only thing that made me forget what was going on in my life. A month later, I had found out that one of my friends that I had met at a party, died. Laced weed and alcohol poisoning. I stopped after that. I knew that was a sign that it was time to be done. I was single for 1 year and a half, and then I met you. I told Jawan that I would never tell you this because you wouldn’t want to be with me and you would never look at me the same. I’m still embarrassed of it. And believe me, I don’t want to let you know. But, you talking about you want to go to parties and smoking and drinking and same things going to happen to you. I finally knew why drugs were illegal. They don’t help you, they only kill you. Not you personally, but your friends, people that you care about and people that you will never see ever again. I don’t want you to do the same thing I done. Because, I wouldn’t be with you anyways if you do it. I can’t do it. I can’t get a phone call saying they found you dead somewhere. I can’t. I remember the first day I met you, I told myself, I would never put you through the same things I put her through. And I won’t. I’m not a terrible person. And you know that. And I don’t want you to look at me differently now because I told you it. Out of all of the girls I have dated, I can’t count, I’ve been only in love with you. And theres a reason for that. And theres a reason why we have a age difference too. For me to get you not to make the same mistakes I have done. It’s not worth it to loose someone that makes you happy. Its not that I don’t like going to parties and doing all of that, the worst things have happened to me and I don’t want to ever relive that. I’m sorry that I lied to you about this and kept this away from you. I don’t like talking about it but its time you know about me. But thats all I have kept away from you. I never cheated on you or anyone. I don’t believe in that.