Notes

Hello Dorian!

It feels awkward to calling you by that name as it had always been junejun for you haha. To start off, I know the words that I'm about to write are pretty cliche, but I've got some pretty important things to say to you, AND, I know you probably won't care about anything I'm saying in this letter, and just so you know that's fine (pstt deep inside me I know that you are curious, though!). It doesn't even matter if you will probably never read this. But if you do, please please please read this until the very end.

I honestly have forgotten how we met and how long we have been staying as friends years ago, because damn boy, all I remember is me spamming you until you melted in my arms and opened up for me after days, or even weeks of 3am talks and I must say that it worth the effort, all of them. In those months when we were friends, you were my one solid rock. HAHA CRINGEEY. I'm sorry it's cheesy as fuck buut hey, it's the truth. Behind that cold mask, you are a one soothing and warm boi.

I regret that I never showed how grateful I was that you stuck by my side for a split of second, and in anyway that is possible to define the words "stuck". Somehow, you always made me feel better; I'm still not sure how you were able to do that since you always replied me with short replies and stuff, but I remember clearly that you tweeted sumn like "whatever I replied you, means I want our conversation going" lmao it kinds of amazing and creepy that I still remember that detail of you. I have always been the talkative one and I think thats what keeping me going to spam you 24/7. Every memory I have, you had done something stupid that had made me laugh uncontrollably, and every memory that I have, we argued about something equally as stupid. I am so thankful for every single one of them. You always managed to found ways to remedy my insecurities and turn them into strength, all in those short replies of yours. 

And yeah, the memories I have of us are pretty great but then it has always been bitter sweet when it comes to you. I couldn't just shrugs off the lump that has been staying with me all these years even after we lost contact.

(PS. I suddenly remember how we met now, well not exactly met but those times when we were goofing around, gif memes war, aaaaand etc. We were bandmates, yeah, brothers).

Our friendship seemed to blossom as quickly as spring bloomed. But at the same rate it began, it seem to fade, and I couldn’t quite put a finger on it. And as I ponder our friendship, I know I’ve made a handful of mistakes so massive that they can’t be fixed and for that I would never blame you. Truth to be told, I will admit that I was angry for the way things ended between us. And now I realize that the blame was all on me. I was greedy, as fuck. I know that it was abrupt and that we both said things that perhaps we wished never came out of our mouths. So, instead I am sorry about that. 

I shouldn't have made you chose between me and her, I was very childish and I always cringe now everytime I remember about it now. It was so embrassing asgdhdjk. I think I owe her (I forgot who is she but I think her username is tempura or sumn) an apology. I remembered calling her names and made my friends hate her too. I did that to make me feel better it was bery dramatic of me hhh i'm really really really sorry! It was my mistake so if you still hate me now then I won't mind. Once again, I'm so so so sorry...

My battery is 2% so I better finish this before my phone died and I lost the courage to send this to you ashdjskl.

It has been a pleasure to hear about how much flourishing you have done since then. To hear of your news, makes me happy that you have found happiness and have so many people that appreciate and holds you so dearly. I know you will do great things in your future and remember that I will always be in your corner rooting for you. And though we have gone our separate ways, I still try and keep updated on your life. And even though we aren’t friends at all now, that hasn’t stopped me from hoping the best for you. And being proud of where life has taken you. I will always be happy for you. 

I'm not writing this in hope that we can be friends again, Jun. We are both in two different stages of our lives now and have completely changed since then. I'm not even sure if we would get along anymore. Although you were only in my life for a short season, you have left a very big big big impact on me, as you can guess. I don't know, it felt so intense to the point where I couldn't even understand it myself.

(P.S.2. Recently I received notification of your tweets from my old account, I guess you are coming back for now now. Sooo welcome back Dori!)

Please refrain yourself from answering this, but yeah it's up to you.

Always be happy June!

- J