Notes

I knew the whole time that us being friends wasn't going to work. i knew if i friend zoned you, you was going to flip. but i really don't know what you expect me to do anymore. you think i want to put you in the friend zone? i don't. but you and i both know i have to. i want to be with you so bad but i cant stay in a relationship where I'm uncomfortable anymore. the only reason i kept going with it after time and time of telling you was because i love you. yeah i still love you but with all the arguing and hate and negative shit that's been flying around that's the last thing i can think about. i don't understand why you kept convincing yourself that i was okay with it after i kept telling you always. our date was half way perfect. it was perfect for you because you weren't thinking about nothing. i just kept thinking in my head if we get caught she's going to break up with me or even worse shes never going to talk to me again. i didn't want to be left by you. your the best girlfriend I've ever had and i think your the best I'm ever going to have. your so pretty and so nice. and when i look at you and you smile your dimples show really good. you have a really nice personality and great you know what. but you aren't really seriously attracted to girls and i see why you wont tell people. i just noticed that telling people/ not telling people has a problem on both sides. Your not comfortable with people knowing and i'm not comfortable with people not knowing. i think it's pretty messed up tho. its not like I'm asking you to tell people, lemme clear that up. i don't want you to go and be like oh well I'm dating a girl named Tasia Noooo that's nothing near to what I'm saying. if someone see's us together i don't want you to lie. if we get caught i don't want you to lie. I'm not telling you to tell your parents helllllll no then I'll lose my privileges of coming to your house to spend time with you. I don't want your parents to find out period. If your people ever become suspicious that's when i would need you to lie.. lie your ass off. i just don't really get why you would have to lie to your other people tho. i don't want Yvette to know. but i would rather you tell her than her maybe finding out by someone else or me posting something on instagram, which i hate the fact that i can't just be happy with you like i said it's always something negative waiting to happen or that could possibly happen with us but anyway back to Yvette you already know I'm scared of her. not physically but verbally. i hate being verbally attacked and she looks like she can do some damage. just like i know you can but I'm not scared of you verbally now physically.. that's a different story but i ain't gone get into that cause i don't want to sound like a punk cause a noodle like you hurts you it attack. but anyway Petra I'm sorry for doing everything. I'm sorry for asking for your number when i knew i was somewhat attracted to you, doing what i did to you in the stairs when i knew that you weren't expecting and didn't want it, I'm sorry for texting you the whole spring break, kissing you when we came back to school, getting even closer to you, falling for you fully, getting to know you more, letting you know my problems, trusting you, coming to your house, asking you to be my girlfriend doing all the thing we did together, asking you to be my girlfriend again, threatening to tell Yvette, pushing you away from me, pulling you back to me, reaching a month of being together, trying to leave, asking to have an open relationship even to i know i didn't really want it because in my head Ima be thinking that I'm single and you don't exist, then when i do something with a girl Ima think i cheated and feel like crap, sorry for arguing and most of all I'm sorry for starting all this. if it wasn't for me being bi, or liking you, or being attracted to you, none of this would have happened. all of this is my fault. but you taught me how to love myself. if it wasn't for you teaching me how to love myself i would probably hate myself because of all of this and life period. but anyway i just want to say thank you for everything you've done for me. i just noticed that I'm always wring long huge enormous paragraph after we fight, i just noticed i do it every time, not you me, but i guess that wont be happening anymore, bye Petra


~~Tasia
P.S. I'm really not expecting you to reply to this, I'm really just expecting things to just end right here so please don't reply i really am tired of arguing and i really dont want to do it anymore so yeah please and thank you, bye