Notes

Sunday August 18th, 2019
My family sucks. Today me and Alexis were fighting, but in a playful way. She started screaming, we got our phones taken up for not cleaning. I slammed both my doors, my dad barged in and almost knocked me to the ground. I was terrified, my mom left to get groceries. Before she left I went into the kitchen and scream that I hate my dad and my family, and wished I would have somewhere to escape out of the heck hole. I wish my parents would get a divorce, it would make everything better. One time my dad was yelling because he almost broke tiles trying to get them into the car, and my mom said that she wished she would have never married him. Then she said she was joking because I was in the car. I do not think she was joking. I think I might be suicidal, I think about dying all the time and imaging everything would be better, but when I tell someone that I think I am depressed, they always say nah your fine... Then we forget about, but I am tired of just forgetting about things and not fixing the problem. We says we are Christians, but he have not been to church since last Easter. I am tired of blowing things off, I want change, but nobody else is willing to do anything, EVER. So I have finallu came out and admitted my biggest problems. I believe that my family is the worst out of all my friends, their parents do not cuss, they go to church, they do not think about dying, nor do they think life would be better after a divorce. So God if you are reading this, I have a hard time believing in you, even though I want to. I just do not know to feel and connect to you. All my friends say well God told me this, and I am thinking how do they here you, can you help me here you and follow you. I need your help before it´s to late. My family sucks and we do not want t go to church, but I know we need to. WE NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!