Notes

well.
there's no simple way to say this to all of you, especially in such a short time.
but uh...i think i'm going to uhhhhh maybe kinda sorta kill myself?
i didnt want you all to be confused, or something like that when(/if) the news comes out, so i thought i'd explain. as if it'll soften the blow or something pffft.
um
things havent been going well at home.
my relationship with my parents has regressed tremendously, and they've done something that i'm wAAYYYYYYY too embarrassed to talk about. and today just...pushed me over the edge.
at this point, it doesnt look like anything is going to go particularly well. the last few weeks for me have been filled with nothing but despair. the only moments that i havent been tormented with these thoughts and some of my parents actions have been drawing, and of course, talking to all of you. you've all been my last joy. and there's nothing i can do to say thank you all for that.
i dont think i have a future if i live. i dont want to spend 4 more years in despair. i cant. i'm too much of a coward to wait until 18 haha. because what happens then? i go to uni with back-breaking student loans (as my parents probably would have disowned me at that point). my greatest fear is ending up alone. and i know that with the way things are going, i will. the thought of going through life utterly alone scares me, as it will definitely happen. i go through life too scared to talk, to scared to interact, to scared to do fucking anything. im a coward, essentially. how on earth would i find a partner? i mean being self-loathing unfunny uncharismatic useless weeaboo trash isnt really attractive????? the last time i checked at least. aishhh talking about all this stupid mushy shit's made me feel worse. i think i'll move on.

selena. im sorry i couldnt tell you about all this. i didnt want you to have to look at me in a worse light. part 24 of this vid kinda describes how i feel/felt?? i mean i love the whole vid sksksk but part 24 is what i felt when thinking of telling you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7v7HvNjm5E
matteo. i cant fucking thank you enough. i woulda done this a LOOOONG time ago if it wasnt for you. avoiding the cafeteria for fear of sitting alone everyday was getting...tiring to say the absolute least. when you asked me to sit with you i legit almost cried. thank you.
andreea. for whatever it's worth, i purple you. i think thats what you stans say anyways. you were the only one that replied to my first attempt. thank you profusely.
ryan. i'm sorry that i can't give you the little gift i got. i dont even think you would have used it lol. but i still wanted to give you it. im sorry. forgive me, please.

sorry to all of you. i cant do the operation smile club, or give you all gifts, or finish the hentai doujin.
im sorry. so incredibly sorry.
man im kinda sad i never finished danganronpa. i was so excited. but hey, in my next life i might?? if thats like a thing???? i mean i know for sure i'm a real human person, like a protagonist, at least of my own life. and protagonists dont really d i e you know what i mean? or maybe life isnt like that. maybe i just die, and throw away my only shot. maybe im reincarnated as an ant or sum shiet. maybe my life is like that one black mirror episode, where that killer has to live the same reality over and over and over again, forgetting every time. lets hope not.
i hope i'm reincarnated as a cute japanese boy at least. that'd be hella cool ngl.

to conclude: well i got no fucking clue how to. interesting how ive always been good at essays yet i cant finish what's arguably the most important one yet? isnt that ironic? i mean i dont really know the meaning of irony lol i'm pretty sure its not.
well this whole thing probably sounds like shit, because it is shit. im not gonna proofread this shit, i'd probably take out all the juicy bits.
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i mean i'll share this gem with you as my last wish: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAgJDUuqPMU
its for sure my favorite video.
and my favorite song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxyM7vhU0uU
its just really relaxing. especially the smexxxy french part, i love it so much.

for what its worth, i love you all. even jingyuan that fucking anarcho-monarchist cuck.
((bruh if these god damn pills dont work i'm fr committing sudoku. 16's a good number right? i mean its the same amount of students in hopes peak :sunglasses: (dumb ass discord emojis istg) what can i say? im a danganronpa nerd to the end))
i hope that you all forget about me, really. i'm pretty sure this will be a shock to all of you, and i would hate to cause additional torment by having you remember me. so dont !! pretend like i'm a...gust of wind or something. just let me pass you by. like nothing happened. or at the very least, remember the good ive done. i dont want to be the first webber suicide, i want to be the first that...started a club in grade 7. or the first that came out publically. or something better than suicide. anything better than suicide. please.

man this'll be REAL fuckin awkward if the pills doesnt work. i'll prolly just do my waifu rolls as usual then. SHIT
MY FUCKING WISHED
ah well
claim em then! or dont. does it really matter anymore?

wow this is quite a read. sorry about that uwu
on second thought maybe an uwu isnt appropriate
darn
i think i had a pretty good run tho. and hey, my last spoken words would be "fingers in his ass" if this works. what a fucking gamer move.
i hope i didnt make things too awkward by sending this as a group thing. if i sent this individually it would take more time, and i was scared that someone would see it sooner, and tell me not to. which would break my heart.
MAN IF THIS DOESNT WORK THIS IS GONNA BE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL F U C K I N G AWKWARD ISNT IT LOL
anyways
thank you all, to the bottom of my heart. i would have died a much sadder, earlier death if it wasnt for all of you.
i lived my last month a clown, so for my final act i'll be ending it all. wow, the first brave thing i've done. and the last i'll do. isnt that ironic? i think so at least-