Notes

I am writing this note to clarify things which you took in the wrong way, maybe things that made me upset/angry, my frustrations about us not even talking and in between, maybe if you read through the lines you can sense my feelings for you.
Whenever there was any distance you allowed someone unwanted to enter our life.
Can we be 24hours together? No
You made me as a subject of discussion and based on the person's review, your judgment about me kept on changing.

It was your decision to switch the company and I was absolutely fine with that, be it the company or the location.
I insisted you stay with your parents if it's possible because
a) I won't have been able to shift there.
b) You didn't have anybody to stay with you

I was concerned about your safety. Was I wrong in that? If I thought of your well-being, was it my mistake?
Yet I have multiple times been blamed or held responsible for putting you in that situation. If there's tension in your home and due to which your mood is off, how do I come into the picture???
If I ask you what happened - You won't share stating - now I am not feeling like to talk and will tell you later.
If I ask you when you are in good mood - you reply, now everything is good, why do you want to again discuss that and ruin everything.

End Result - I don't get to know what happened.
This type of situations has happened n-times.

Same goes for your professional life. All I hear is you aren't liking the project, you want to move out, you don't like the people and all that, but seldom have you shared.

If someone commented on my post, you were so angry that you made sure the person doesn't comment again. It hardly did matter to me, rather I was totally cool with that.
But, it's fine if you can engage in commenting for hours in FB, with your colleagues (after you went over there) and not messaging me once.

The very reason I didn't shift from Thima Reddy to any 2 BHK was YOU. Did you realise once??? I didn't want to go away from you.... I was very vocal about this with my roommates. In the process, if I wasn't able to talk to you in the night (no matter how much I wanted to) I was blamed for that as well.
It's not that I didn't understand your situation, but there was hardly anything I could have done about it.
You didn't appreciate once that this guy stayed here coz of me only.

The day you went from here, within 15days I found a new house and in no time I was having my own room. I knew that you won't be able to talk to me or message me that often because of you staying with your parents. I was OK with that as well. I was relaxed that you won't be alone there. To ensure your safety was my priority.

Every time you said you want to video call/call/talk, I was available. You asked me not to message until you do, I was OK with that as well.
I missed you..... but at the same time, I wasn't upset/angry a bit because I understood your 'Situation'...

When I was in London, and this guy happened to be close to you, I didn't like that... Every photo/fb post/fb comment he was there... and I WASN'T.
Many times I cried over the call that I am not feeling great about this. Things happened which I didn't expect from you, not saying that it was wrong.
I said don't go to his bro's marriage, this guy doesn't look right to me. you fought with me and went. I couldn't do anything about it.
When I come over here, I hear that he proposed to you. Thinking all those things happened when I wasn't here, it hurts. Even if it's hurting me now as I am writing.

I can't stay angry with you for long, I just can't. I can't say you things which I am not supposed to even if there's a fight going on b/w us. I just can't.
Part of me wants you to say you SORRY make you alright and try to make things as they were. I know how much I need you...
But I have done enough of that in these 5years, yet you shout at me, yet you get angry on me the most, yet you remain annoyed with me and yet you blame me for all the bad things happened in your life.

When you become that close with the opposite sex, you have no idea how it feels.... You would never feel what I went through multiple times with the involvement of boys/3rd person(s) in our life.

In these 8months, how many times have you called me from the office? 5/10/15??
Initially, I called you every day but it was like I am the one who calls and needs you and not vice-versa.
I understood it's a secure bay, workload even understood that you don't like talking over the phone in the office.
Now I get to hear you didn't call me because of my replies.....
I had nothing new in my life, I didn't go out of the room.
I didn't have much to say, but I never for once said I don't want to talk to you.
Remember when you were on the bench, I used to call you from office every day to check on you if you are ok if you are sad...
You weren't interested in talking and used to hang up. I didn't complain or stopped calling you because I understood what you were going
through, you were tensed. When I used to come to your room, you were willing to discuss, is that an option for me??

I had never issues with you having interaction with other boys. It was me who asked your ex- close friend to talk to you on the farewell day. It was me who asked you to go on a trip with your colleagues the day I went to London. Unfortunately, I have to remind you all these because I have been always been labeled as someone who wants to keep you in restrictions. If I say anything on this, you reply - I won't talk to any boys ever in life, will that make everything as it used to be??
Tension arose when those so-called friends do kinds of stuff that friends don't do... I certainly didn't like the fact that me being here you were talking with someone else late night, may it be whatever weeks.
You won't like that as well.

I will tell you why you are annoyed with me because I am going to study. Maybe you are annoyed because I am going to study at this point in time in my life, or maybe you are worried because you don't know when I will return.
You are annoyed because I said you I can't talk now (with my family about you) during our discussion. As you said you wanted some kind of assurance before me leaving BLR, but you should have told me beforehand that ok I want you to do this but instead you were totally cool or pretended to be cool about me filling up the application and with everything related to FR.
You are annoyed because I am not there near you and you have restrictions. You can't go on weekends with me. I understand that but what is my fault in that. Till you were here, except for the time you said you get bored staying alone and if any safety issue( like someone ringing your doorbell in the night)
never forced you for a roommate or asked you to call your parents.

I know I couldn't keep my words wrt marriage. I understand your parents are getting older which is why I told you that I will tell if I go home now because I don't want to do this on phone. You denied that as well. Instead, you have blocked me and don't want to talk to me because you don't want to stay with me. (as per last night message but I still think it is out of anger)

Chances are there if you have read till now, you must be feeling this letter is me boasting about things I have done which is ok. I wanted to let you know that you were always my priority....

When I said TV thing, I meant or asked you not to lose your cool on every small thing. What I meant was if I come to your room and for a sec, if I see the scorecard or watch cricket, you will get upset and won't talk the entire night. That is something I don't want. What am I supposed to do if you get angry every other second?? I am sure still you would take this negatively but since you said that this statement of mine, affected you a lot, hence I am trying to explain it once again.
I am an introvert or shy guy who doesn't mingle with people easily or hesitates to hold your hand in public. I admit it, that's my fault.
If I am going, again the word 'DISTANCE' will play its part. It makes me insecure or jealous maybe.. not sure. But, I would try not to think about that.

One thing for sure, I tried my level best to keep you happy though the situation today is something else. I know I have made you angry and sad many a times, but it wasn't intentionally ever.

I love You.....I am grateful for all those things that you did for me and have absolutely no complaints with you.
And I missed you these 8months and I will miss you :( [DISCLAIMER: This is my feeling towards you and not means to make you weak so as to stay with me.]

Take Care, Be Happy :)
Yours,
..............