Notes

Its just, i've been trying to be a good person to the best of my ability, hoping that somehow the good i do will come back to me in some form or another. I know it wont really happen for everything but at least some good should appear right? Specially from those that somewhat are taking advantage of the good. Sooo basically last night i was a bit excited cuz we were gonna go out and I could get out of my comfort zone, and basically noone even cared to let inv me. I called S twice to remind her to bring my charger w M before they left the house, and in none of those ocassions they said anything. Then L called me to let me know i have to pick up my mom at Marcia's house cuz M and S and everyone was going out to miami beach. During that call it clicked. I'm nothing more than a pawn/tool/supplement that its just there. This gets intensified when I start remembering that the only interaction i have w most of them is just " r u available? " , " can u do x" , "can u do y" , "remember z" , " i need G" ....and yea... its a bummer. And it just says _a lot_ about them when I'm more confortable w the company of people that have only known me less than 10 years (u , ur dad, etc) than them that i've spent time w my entire life. Thats why I'm relatively mad. I'm not crazy enough to just walk out of the house and move to another state and never come back (I've been offered multiple times and I've declined because of them). So i've been balancing all the sacrifices i've done over the past few years and realized that the things I was hoping to get out of them are not here and wont be here ever.