Notes

My parents are recently separated. My dad has a girlfriend and I’ve asked three times for the past few months and he won’t tell me. He doesn’t pay attention to us when he’s with us because he’s texting her. My mom is catholic and is never toning to remarry and she’s only 52 so she’s goin to spend the rest of her life all alone. It’s especially rough because my older brothers are both moving out to college around the same time and then I’m leaving in two years for college and then it’s just my mom and my younger brother. My friends are fake because they are “nice” to me and “care” about me but I know they are annoyed and tired of my complaining. I literally get annoyed by everyone and everything that exsists. I’m failing at school. I hate homework and never have the motivation to focus.
I literally cannot focus in school or on my homework. I’ve been taking antidepressants for about a year now and I feel the same way I did before I started taking them. I hate girls who try to act pretty because they already are and I know I’m not. I’m gaining weight at a fast pace or at least I think I am. I hate my body, my social life, and everything about my life. It’s so annoying when people say “I’m here for you” because I know that every single person that has said that to me has lied, except my mom. Nothing can make me feel happy anymore. I can feel happiness for about five minutes but then it’s all gone. I want nothing but to feel loved and someone gave that to me but then I cut them off. I’m only fourteen for Christ’s sake I don’t need a boyfriend. I’ve been writing this paragraph while eating for the lifeline chat to load and it’s been taking a really long time, but I guess that’s ok because there’s a lot wrong with me. When I was younger I let my older brother touch me however he pleased because I was young and didn’t understand and as I grew older I would just let him touch me. I’m not going to talk about this anymore because it just makes my gut wrench. I want nothing but to feel happy and have a good life like I use to before everything went wrong, is that so much to ask?