Notes

Uhh... yes this is a big fucker... it's over 3,000 words... so, ummm... please take your time in reading it if you do read it... and oh by the way... Please read it... 😛. Anyway yes I know I seem like an cunt, that's sort of the point... to address my cunt behaviour honestly and to show you how I have changed since then. Also, yes, I realise I have severe mental issues. That's one of the reasons why I'm here... with you. 🙂

Basically the gist of this big fucking thing is that I'm listing 20 traits which I have AND/OR desire to have... And if I didn't have them way back then I'm describing how/if I have obtained them... Also how I am working on them currently if the job isn't fully done yet. Gonna post to you a screenshot/picture of the weird stats that this word counter website I'm on has...


Authenticity - Yes, yes, yes... I believe Edgy has this one already because only Puss Puss knows the real Edgy... he is very vulnerable around her.

Compassion - Edgy not need to speak of this one :)))))))) He doesn't know when or if Puss Puss is sad, angry or down but he is always willing to lend a helping hand.

Conscientiousness - This one means that Edgy is focused and willing to work hard to accomplish his goal. He is (mostly) careful with what he says to Puss Puss, but he could be better at this of course!!!

Courageousness - Well... I guess if Edgy stays with Puss Puss he is facing his fear and being courageous because he is legitimately very scared of her doing something bad to him. Or her doing nothing to him...

Fairness - Hmmm... well everything I did to my mum wasn't very fair on her, I made her feel sad and hurt and not trusting and it wasn't fair from Edgy... But I think Edgy better understands Puss Puss's side of things now... so I hope I'm more fairness but there is only one way to find out.

Forgiveness - Edgy very good at this one. Although Edgy's own fault... he resented Puss Puss and held a grudge to her for a very long time for what she did, Edgy is not talking about secrets, (I don't want to call them lies but you know what I speak of) Edgy is talking about how she could throw Edgy away with that much ease and not even give him a second chance... BUT... There is no more resentment or grudge... they are in the past now, in fact everything is in the past for Edgy, unless Puss Puss wishes otherwise.

Generosity - Ummmmm... Edgy does not have much money and a fair few bills lol... BUT if he can spare any and Puss Puss wants it... then ask and he will see what he can do. Maybe for causing her to delete LINE and lose all of her cute stickers or for all the money Puss Puss spent playing that accursed game KOC... Let Edgy know. Edgy is not offering, but Edgy is offering to offer. Which is pretty much offering I guess...

Integrity - I got loads of this... Edgy views himself as like a gentleman or whatever but a savage hostile version hahaha... but yeah, Edgy has basic morals that any and every person should have... e.g. no raping or torturing or hurting innocents or women or children etc... and more advanced ones that Edgy will not go into here, if Puss Puss wishes to know, ask him, otherwise not here for political debates 🙂

Honesty - Uhhhhhh... I have to work on this one but in saying that it's not terrible, I'm not a dishonest person at heart, I just happened to be dishonest at the most important time and believe me I am/was paying for it, but before that I have always striven to be honest and after that I learnt my damn lesson I would think. But here's being honest... I knew about your stuff for a long time. A long time like half a year... what's the fucking difference if I started a rumour or not I still did something soooooo wrong and it is seared into my brain for the rest of my life now. Also believe me when I say this: it's not just because I lost you, but because I had betrayed and hurt the only person I actually give a shit about in this world AND I had broken some of my own promises to you... I had it coming and I now live with it. But either way, the past is dark and murky... the future is bright and I'm working on it everyday, and not just for you either...
P.S. (lol I've always wanted to say P.S.) I'm done with lying to you... so if there is anything else that you wish to know about potential truths or lies then ask away and I won't make the same mistake again. Lightning never strikes the same place twice.

Humility - Well this is easy! Well at least not as hard as the last one... always thought I had a LOT of humility... had a bit I suppose, but not much... kinda 50/50 I guess. On the good side if someone (including and especially Puss Puss) had a better way of doing things than Edgy... he would admit that they were right and adapt to their ways to better himself although this rarely happened because Edgy is like a genius hahahaha... But on the other side... I was fucking arrogant as fuck hey... I thought I was the king of KOC, the king of CNP, and well the king of the world pretty much... I always gloated when I had the chance which brings me shame now... the one exception was to you Puss Puss. I always thought that you were better than me and that's honestly how I liked it... I wanted Puss Puss to be #1 and Edgy to be #2... But fast forward to now I think I'm quite humble now and you are free to disagree with me if you ever speak...

Kindness - This is Edgy deep down... I guess you could say that Edgy put on the tough guy act in GC... although it was really funny when he put people down for the count hahahaha.... no one can verbally spar with Edgy lol, (humility problems) anyway, deep down, as Puss Puss found out... he was very kind. He showed his true nature to Puss Puss. Edgy was prone to anger outbursts too... some of which were unfairly taken out on Puss Puss. These outbursts never brought him good and only brought him bad fortune... but now I have made a giant leap in trying to control them as I think you are testing me about them and if you truly are(if it's not about something else), then I believe that you would have noticed it too.

Lovingness - Not really sure of the difference between this and kindness... but as far as Puss Puss herself is concerned, Edgy has always had love and affection for and never stopped... bar his aforementioned outbursts and his saltiness(yes saltiness) when Puss Puss left. But then again I think his saltiness was indeed motivated by love/lovingness.

Loyalty - Ermmmmm... when did the big fight happen again lol? 10-15 centuries ago??? It's not just about Edgy you know...

Optimism (HOPE) - Do you know how much Edgy cares about you? Nevermind, stupid question (unless you have severe sociopathic tendencies). The moment Edgy lost his best friend he fell into a deep, dark depression. He tooks lots of drugs, drugs, drugs. He was hospitalised three times for overdosing on drugs and he wouldn't ever leave him room anymore when he was formerly a very social person... now although the depression is gone, his social behaviours have not returned as you are probably aware. He is extremely antisocial, he glares deeply into the souls of passerbys... waiting for them to try to attack him or ask him for smokes or drugs or try rob him even though 99.9% of people have no such thoughts of doing so to Edgy. He doesn't want to talk to anyone on the face of this earth except Puss Puss. I know you had a right to do what you did as I don't control you and nor would I want to, but you knew when you left that you were taking away his most treasured thing on this earth and you didn't even seem to care! You wanted to hurt me ten fold did you? Well you didn't do it when you wrote that little quote and you haven't done it after that... you did it years ago.... does it make you happy? Does Edgy being in pain really bring you that much glee and joy? Well if so, then congratulations, glad something about me makes you happy. Anyway whatever... what's done is done and I'm getting off topic... It's about optimism, not pessimism. My depression or slump eventually ended... let's say whenever I started trying to be a true friend to you 1-2 months ago... I don't know why, maybe I just had an epiphany or a realization... maybe it is those chakra things... or maybe it's because I realized how much of a nasty cunt I was to you, and me caring about you... decided to change my ways immediately... and decided to be there for you even though my presence was not wanted or asked for... because I believe that I know you and I believe that you aren't in a very good place for reasons unbeknownst to Edgy... and really I don't need to know... all I need to know if whether you are feeling down or not and how to cheer you up. That's all I give a shit about and if that means that you won't talk to me and that I won't get what I want from you then whatever IDC! If I give you something good... something that you don't mind receiving... and also while not abandoning you... then I'm happy. But yet I still have sooooooo much HOPE now... Why? Because I'm trying to be a good person and I think that it is showing, and good things happen to good people. But as I said... my primary concern is you now... NOT me.

Perseverance - Lol... you are the most difficult person I have ever met... never mind the reasons. I have no problem with it... if I ever get anything outta you I wanna earn it. There are times that I think of myself as the lowest form a dog shit with my perseverance with you... but that's just my brain trying to put me off, trying to trick me. But as I have said above in the optimism part... I see a goal in my head and a light at the end of the tunnel and honestly there isn't much I wouldn't do to achieve it.

Politeness - Um... yeah... I don't think I'm a rude person... right Queen Puss Puss? If so, then that's the old Edgy and I apologise profusely for my rudeness and it won't happen again... ma'am...

Reliability - I try, I try, I try... All I can say about this one is that I haven't offered true help or advice or support until 1-2 months ago... I guess I've just been dead weight for the last 2 or 3 years or whatever it is... but no more. Now I'm giving it my all and you know it!

Respectfulness - Oh damn, this one is really hard for me... I try to show you the proper respect that I feel you deserve... such as the (seemingly kinky, but fully serious) cute little titles I give you... and I mean them. Anyway on a more serious note... This one, unlike any of the previous ones I am sort of at a loss for words(doing them in alphabetical order). I didn't respect your privacy and I didn't respect you enough to trust you enough to not even damn look you up... never mind about telling others that's another issue which I covered in another paragraph... I... me... your Edgy... full on hunted you down so to speak... what the fuck is wrong with me...?!?!?! You do that to your enemies... not your friends... not your best friends... and certainly not the person you care about the most in the whole wide fucking stupid world! I'm so ashamed and humiliated by MYSELF that you wouldn't even understand... that person... the one who looked you up... the one who told your secrets to others... it's not the real, true Edgy!!! I'm fucking disgusted in myself and I deserve to be!!! Not to mention how you feel... you... whose opinion I care about more than my own. But yes, as I have said multiple times now... that is in the past and I feel that I have grown much since then... but back to respectfulness... I do really respect you so much... I call you mama, mom, mum, momma, mumma, whatever... not just because of the bond I feel that I have for you... but because mamas are responsible and wise and they know what advice to give for what situation! Yes, yes, I'm fully aware that you are not my mother. But where's the shame in me wishing that you were??? I don't care about shame or looking pathetic or pride or ego... I like you a lot and I see you as my mum even if you do not share the sentiment. Not only the maternal names but I've called you mentor and teacher a lot of times because... honestly... you did. You have taught me more about life than anyone else ever has by a hundred miles!!! Not to mention all of your little KOC tips and tricks... and you may hate Edgy calling you master... but it too means something. It means that I trust you enough and love you enough to let you decide everything for me and for me to not dispute your decisions... because I truly think you know best for me... I think you know better for me than I do... much better. And Queen too... which is like a mix of maternal, teacher and master. And one that you actually like being called! You are a Queen... I'm sure that you have no problem being a Queen... so then what's wrong with you being Edgy's Queen hmmm???
Apparently nothing... before the fight... so tell me... why don't I believe all the harsh things that came out of your mouth AFTER the fight and not BEFORE the fight???

Responsibility - I never took true responsibility for my actions... we all know this. I blamed katt... because I didn't want the one thing that I was adamant would happen to happen... to lose you... my Puss Puss. And lo and behold... I did anyway. You might have come back if I had told you... I'm not sure. Anyway the fact of the matter is that I did not take responsibility... not only did I not take responsibility I always turned it back around on you... I would claim you to be a liar... for staying private, which you have every fucking right to be... I would claim that you never cared about me... which in your anger you did say... although I do not believe it... because I look at the screenshots (fucking 448 of them, mind you) and I see the stuff you said to me... I'm not sure if that can be faked and if it was... which I don't believe it was... then you should pursue a career in acting... but I KNOW (now) that it wasn't faked... and I think it still exists deep down... but anyway back to point... I abused you in GC... allowed others to abuse you in GC... although I told you after it happened about that tranny Kandy talking shit about you... I should've said something in GC(I might have, I truly do not remember much anymore). I ashamed of myself Puss Puss. I truly am. I'm ashamed of my actions and of my treatment of you. I'm not sure if I deserve to be forgiven and I now fully see your point. But still I will continue to be here for you until you judge me worthy, and if that never happens oh well I'm doing all I can for Puss Puss... I think I have gotten a little more responsible and took some responsibility for my actions... and especially more so with this very thing/page/message I'm currently writing... I think I've been more honest today than I have been since we had the fight... heck... since I met you... heck... since I was born... 20/05/1997... a long time ago. I'm serious about making it (whatever 'it' may be) up to you, one step at a time, and for sure, you're worth it all to me.

Self-Discipline - Yeah... I'll say it... I have no self-discipline. I didn't then... and I don't now. Not one bit. Because honestly, I left the disciplining to you Puss Puss and I forgot how to do it to myself. Your absence has left a gaping void in my life that honestly I just can't get over. I don't want to get over it. I don't want a hole inside me. I don't want a life without Puss Puss. It's my worst nightmare, it's my greatest fear and its my reality... Being calm and self-discipline honestly goes out the window... I'm in freak-out mode which I have been in for 2-3 years and not been able to get out of it! Puss Puss is my precious... I need her and she isn't here and I'm having a great never-ending tantrum about it! I need my mama. But if mama would reassure me... reassure SOMETHING... ANYTHING!!!! I'm sure I could begin working on it then... but until then I cannot do anything about this! Talking to her is the only thing keeping me somewhat sane and calm and peaceful!!!!!!! And I CAN'T jeopardise that... I'll hurt people that don't deserve to be hurt and do other things that I regret and talking to Puss Puss just keeps me calm and happy. Puss Puss is the angel on my shoulder who keeps me in check... there is a demon too... and if Puss Puss is gone... it will win! EDGY WON'T ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN MAMA!!!!!!!!!!

So yeah... there you have it Puss Puss... Please read it! It was made for you, and although it was made for you... It's still the truth about me. I did not lie once in this entire message... you can dispute this if you wish... but I know my own heart. This is essentially another apology... but this time it is a genuine, honest to God one... there's no beating around the bush or deceit. honestly...? You are my friend, and I want to be yours. If that takes swallowing my ego or my pride and admitting my wrongs and how much of a cunt I was then I'll do it. I plead for forgiveness, and this time in a way that strangely is not considered begging by Edgy... if you want begging then too late. Because Edgy has been begging for over two years to no avail. I'm never leaving you Puss Puss. Because I really do love you. Just platonically... (which some, including me, think that is much stronger than a romantic or sexual love... which Edgy has not for you, believe that Mum, in my eyes, you're my mama and you always will be.) I'm not lying about that!!! I do. I want to repay you!!! Not just for my cunt actions... but for your lovely actions in the past... which I treasure. I love you, I miss you and I am eternally remorseful and in your debt. I will wait a day, a month, a year, a decade, the rest of my life. Edgy is patient... and when his Puss Puss is on the table... he will do anything to achieve it. Edgy has a great passion for pleasing Puss Puss and making Puss Puss proud and making Puss Puss happy... he feels as if it is his duty. If Puss Puss forgave Edgy tomorrow and agreed to talk to him... of course Edgy would not say no...