Notes

On septemeber 21st i met marc iniguez. my first "love" and heartbreak. i was so in awe of this kid it was crazy. i thought he was my perfect guy like PERFECT he was all i wanted and more at the time. He made me the happiest person in the world before he made me the saddest. every morning i enjoyed waking up because when i checked my phone i'd see a message from him. every morning i woke up to "good morning loser" with a heart. every night i would fall asleep with my last message received being " goodnight princess" or "goodnight my everything". i told him that i loved him every chance i got. he was the only person i wanted to take to and be with. i would see pictures of him and find something else to adore. i got butterflies every time i was near him and whenever we talked i would smile. he was always my 11"11 as i was his. as soon as i would turn on my phone i'd see him because he was my wallpaper. no one made me happier more than he did. we stopped talking due to him. we would talk about us not talking anymore and he always assured me we wouldn't. i believed him. he promised me he wasn't going to date anyone for a long time and that he wouldn't stop talking to me. i wasn't hurt because we stopped talking but because he broke his promise and i lost my favorite person in the world. i remember wanting to cry for weeks because of him and even talking about him made me sad. that was the case for 8 months. no boy pleased me and made me happy the way he did. i would talk to other boys through snapchat and instagram hoping for that again but i never found it. i got into trouble for it and when my parents asked why i did what i did i said "i dont know". that was a lie. i do know. i did it hoping that i found someone just like him. i did it wanting to find another person who made me feel the way i felt with him. no one was able to do that. marc was a romantic he always told me cute things that made my day and he was the cutest boy i knew. in my eyes he was the most amazing person in the world. he wasn't. we were never together but we were exclusive. or at least to me we were. i didnt want to talk to anyone else and up to this point in my life not talking to him and getting over him has been the hardest thing i've ever had to do. i know because im a "little kid" i wasnt in love but that was my interpretation of it. and i never want to feel that heartbreak again. i wanted to shut everyone out when we stopped talking because when something was wrong i talked to him. i lost that. i talked to my uncle who became my favorite person ever because i trusted him. after me and marc didnt talk things went downhill. i wasnt as happy as before, i started smoking and talking to other boys in ways i shouldnt have been. and not once did i mean whatever i told them. saying 'i love you' is one thing but meaning it and showing it and doing anything to prove that you do to someone is a whole other thing. i can say i love you but meaning is something else. currently