Notes

dear family and friends im leaving behind, im so very sorry im putting you all through this but what you all needed to know is how damaged of a person i am. i could no longer bare this world of pain and fear. i hope it will bring you peace that im no longer in pain and what ever is next for my spirit i hope you know i will be happy because i have kokum and others guiding me on my next journey. i know i wasnt one to open up about my many problems and from experience that was how it will always be. for how long as i can remember ive suffered from depression and anxiety, i remember the first time i wanted to die i was 7 years old because i started experiencing bullying but i pushed myself to keep going cause in schools were tought theres bigger problems in the world then "bullying" but as i got older i realised bullying came in different shapes and forms, cyber bullying became something i recieved all of my middle school life and for what?. i then started self harming and getting high alot to cope with this heavy feeling in my chest. i kept pushing myself because highschool is suppose to be the best years of our lives as i was told but little did i know what i was about to get into. i cant explain the hurt i went through these years, how many time people would leave or how i couldnt make them stay, am i really that bad of a person??. i know i only have year left to go until i graduate but i dont have it in me anymore, i cant keep disappointing every one with my low marks because my mental health got in the way. i just cant do this anymore, im tired of feeling like i dont mean shit to anyone and death was meant for me all along, every day i wake up and look at myself and wonder how anyone could ever love me, im just so very tired of being known as the "easy girl" because of drunken mistakes i could barely remember, im tired of not having any stable friendships, im tired of being depressed and not having a purpose on this earth, i will no longer try talk about how my past fucked me up and this fucked up life i lived because no one cared enough to listen, i guess this is it. i love you guys forever and always and as for my molly i love you with every last part of me or what was left of me, i know as you get older you will start asking questions about me and i wanted to let you know your big sister was sick and tried her hardest to stay strong but people broke me in ways no could understand and im sorry i couldnt be there for you but even if you cant see me i will always be there, i love you my family and i love you mom and dad please dont feel sad im gone, all of yous are much stronger then i ever was, so im sorry but it just had to happen sooner or later, bye.