Notes

Elise is saying these issues won’t end us but Verity, like me, takes them to the extremes. Thus, Verity’s comment to me about high standards suggests that the standards aren’t that different, Elise is just better at expressing? Or maybe they just fit better in their relationship workings? It’s difficult and probably requires more thought.

She says that I don’t think properly about the future and stuff. Why? I prioritise my money worries over her, why? Because I feel much less confident about having enough money than I do about our relationship. I know we will be alright and I feel confident enough that a few days of not talking would be rubbish but I’d make it through because its shortish time in the grand scheme of things (though hadn’t considered how she would be in that time so much( but I don’t know whether I’ll have enough money to live by the end of my trip because America IS expensive and so i feel that every penny i can save i should try to save, thus my nervous mind chooses to focus on that as opposed to her.

It’s also made me realise that I really do need to have people I can talk to about relationships and stuff and that’s something to work on more back home but also maybe dropping a message to someone about FaceTiming soon/talking to callum about it. But how do I bring it up when he’s here without just going “sooo, my relationship with Verity” because he’s definitely not going to ask about it. I find it v difficult to open up to others. Also, the time when I feel the most about this shit is in the evenings when most of my mates are asleep and I can’t be as picky as I’d feel comfortable being.

Also, what’s up with Verity being the only one to really have beef in our relationship? Why do I not bring up anything? Is it because I don’t really have any issues with her at all (i think this) or because i hide from any i might have?

Also, I just feel somewhat uncomfortable with the whole Elise having too much say even if verity talked to Hannah & Alex too? I understand that it’s important to talk to your friends but her relationship IS different to our relationship in many ways and so what she sees as being best may not be best really. I’m trying my best and I don’t think I’ve necessarily got that much more to give. I think about her in the present all the time and just feel like we’ll get there in the future and it’ll be okay, it doesn’t worry or scare me so much because I feel safe. I don’t worry about how we’ll make things work.