Notes

Here is the rest of story, enjoy it!
That is at least what she and my parents made me believe in...
She was like my owner, master and boss she had her life and i haven't had mine at all...
She was always controlling me and telling me what to do or not to do...
She was changing me to be like her but don't judge her that is what almost everyone does...
Okay let me explain what do i mean by that, for more than 99% of people body is at least little bit important!
They find someone with at least decent body and date that person, they try to change that person to be like them...
This is like a basic problem of every relationship today and that ever existed so far!
Two strangers dating just because of bodies and if one is happy other one isn't, no love, nothing just emptiness...
That is why they keep families, have friends, hobbies, etc. just to avoid each other!
If you can't be or you don't want to be 24/7 with you partner consider to find someone else!
As long as you need someone else except that one non fake person something is wrong!
So my advice for people is talk, resolve everything together and make place for real love and your one and only true friend!
Anyway had to listen to her because i was too nice and i thought i like her...
I know that i made mistake and being too nice, so yeah it is just dumb to be nice with fake people...
All day and almost all night i had to listen to my parents fight and talk about a lot of stuff so i thought it is better for me if i date this girl just not to be forever alone...
She also made it clear that i am worthless as hell and i should be some kind of slave to her...
I have to accept and agree with the fact that she is way to perfect for me and that she can and should date other guys besides me...
But i was actually wrong it is better to be forever alone then to date or hangout with fake people!
I mean you might wonder "what is true love anyway!?"
True love is when you love your true friend and you are one with that person!
You two are working like a team, there is no one else just two of you, you truly care about each other!
You spend all the time together, you love everything same so you enjoy all those things together!
There is no secrets between you two and you two have nothing to hide from each other!
You always tell each other everything, you help each other everything, you two share everything, etc.
True love is really rare and very hard to find...
There is no true love for me and my life sucks as fuck!
Before i "dated" her i kinda liked her younger sister that was 5 years younger then me, she did liked me but she told that to her parents so they told me to stay away from her...
They thought i am a pervert...
Well my "girlfriend" was younger then me 1 year, since we started dating i didn't know who she really is but later i found it out...
She lied me, dated a lot of guys, did "stuff" for money, used and abused me...
And i trusted her, i was blind, i was her dumb worthless slave!
She was almost like my "family" and they knew that, that is why they loved her a lot...
They wanted me to date someone who will treat me like them or even worse...
We broke up after some time and after that i again didn't had anyone, i had a lot of online "relationships" but yeah it was always same: girl cheated on me, lied on me, used and abused me...
Of course some of those "relationships" ended because i wasn't good enough, because we were so different, because she can't really understand me or i don't even know i do something wrong as always and they just leave me after some time...
I don't know what to say about this i mean i always meet fake people and i don't even know why do i even bother with all this, why do i even try!?
I am also like Alan Harper if you ever have been watching "Two And A Half Men" after some time with me everyone start to hate me...
I mean world is full of fake sick people but yeah i learned lesson as better you treat everyone they treat you worse and use you even more!
Of course that is only in case that they don't hate me already...
Some people maybe don't hate me but they don't like me either and they never even will!
If they don't it will just take a little bit more time for them to start hating me but they will start hating me once...
Few not so important events happened that i will say now...
Funny thing the happiest moments from my life are those when someone dies...
My grandmother died (mom's mom) and soon after that my parents got divorced...
My brother and i had to live with our dad but we got back to grandparents...
My mom lived with her brother some time, she had a lot of boyfriends, she never talked to us, she forgot about us...
She finally was happy, she was free and she enjoyed her life...
I wish she never really had kids that will destroy her life...
She got married after 6 months of dating and divorced about 1 year after that...
I started stealing, being a bad guy and i had a lot of fake friends...
Yeah fake people would say that i actually had only few friends but that is for me way too many fake people!
I tried to kill myself for the first time, sadly i failed...
My grandfather died very soon after that...
My grandmother got even more fucked up because of that...
Before 7 months my brother got killed...
Well he was grandson of my grandfathers (dad's dad) sister...
He got killed in Vienna, Austria...
I tried to kill myself again, sadly failed again...
My great grandmother died soon after...
She was my dad's grandmother and mother to his father...
I met my dad's girlfriend and i thought she is going to be my stepmom...
The worst part is that my dad is pretending that he is nice and he makes up pretend too!
I hate to pretend that we are normal family because no one in this house is normal or family at all!
One more thing i forgot to say is that my mom got rid of me before few months so yeah i am not her son anymore and she is not even my fake mom anymore...
We don't see each other and we don't talk to each other so yeah it is amazing!
One fake person less, i just love it!
Well it seems like my dad got what he deserved and by that i mean on his girlfriend...
She used him for his money and she is now gone...
Another new funny story it was just one regular day and my dad just woke me up...
He told me we have to go somewhere and i like always was no way, not now, leave me alone etc.
He grabbed me and pulled me little bit until i finally got on my legs then he was pushing me all the way outside...
I was like half naked outside and i started crying...
He was just looking at me and said you have one minute to get dressed or i will beat you up and you will go like that...
Anyway that day i was in some kind of agency that finds jobs and that helps you to actually get hired...
Anyhow after all that shit there was done i got a date when to come out there again...
I wasn't lucky i got there she asked me am i looking for a job and i had to say yes because of my dad...
Anyway she sent me somewhere i talked to people there and they said we will call you...
I got home really scared like what if i get really in all that shit, they called me same day and told me to be there tomorrow again..
I was there and again we just talked and they asked questions, i was super shy and quiet tho but again same thing they will call me...
They called about 1 day later and said to come again but here is where shit starts...
I haven't showed up because night before i got drunk with 2 fake friends...
I woke up in the morning like i know i should go but who cares they won't do anything, i will ignore calls and that is it...
Before my dad left he asked me about all that were i there and i lied that i were...
Anyway later that day he calls and asks me are you normal?
They called him and he got so mad...
He said call them and then tell me what happened...
I knew that he told them lies about me and that i am in shit so i just left home for few hours...
I got home and i was less scared i thought it is nothing important he won't do anything...
I went to sleep and when he got home he just was there looking at me and when i looked at him back he asked why do you act like a crazy person?
Anyway then he grabbed me for my neck and started choking me, he pulled me up like that and threw me down to ground...
He was yelling at me, he told me that he will kill me, etc.
He even pushed my grandmother in the bathroom and she hurt her hand...
So yeah next day i decided to kill myself with sleeping pills i stole from my grandmother few days earlier...
I got ready my bag and everything, i left it all outside...
I called my mom i mean she used me for help i guess she will at least try to help me...
Nope, she just said she doesn't gives a fuck, i shouldn't call or talk to her at all, etc.
She told me she was pregnant but she had abortion because she already had too many worthless kids that she never really wanted and that she wishes never even got born...
She is actually on his side now and they are both against me now...
I was so scared, worried and i was crying so hard...
No one understand me and no one ever will i don't even know what to do anymore...
My grandmother was going through my bag and took the sleeping pills...
So yeah i am trapped here right now in all this shit...
My life sucks since i got born and it just keep getting worse and worse...
So yeah that's all about my life i guess...
My life sucks and i will try to kill myself again and again until i finally succeed...
Please let me tell you something now, i don't need friends because i learned a lesson, i know who friends are and i don't need them at all, i would rather be forever alone!!!
We can't be fake friends at all whoever the hell you are!
No fake friendships no matter how you look or how much money you have!
I don't give a damn about any of that shit!
All i was looking for was a true friend, girl that i will date, that will be my true family, that i will talk to all day and all night, that i will be with forever but i give up i just can't anymore...
Yeah you heard me i said GIRL!
I am not gay but i have nothing against anyone i am just demisexual...
Demisexual means that i basically don't care about body, money or anything like that i fall in love with your personality but of course only if you are opposite gender of mine...
Yes i can only get attracted to girls and their bodies but only if i firstly fall in love with them because if i like them just because of their bodies before i meet them it won't last longer then few minutes so...
That is why i prefer to meet a perfect girl for me online so i don't see how she look like for few first weeks...
Anyway it is stupid to look for someone who have no life like me i mean there is no one and even if there is a girl like me she would hate me too...
Also we live in sick world full of fake people and fake love so...
I can't and i don't want to destroy anyone's life just because it will make me feel better and because i will be finally happy...
I am kinda happy with my life right now because there is only few people in my life and everything...
But i can't also let anyone to destroy my life just to make feel better someone because then it is a fake and selfish person...
I am just not fake and selfish like other people and i never even will be even tho there was a time in my life when i tried to be like them because they were making me but thanks goodness i am still myself and i forever will be no matter what!
It would be amazing to have someone like me by my side but yeah sadly that is not even in my dreams possible to happen...
There is really really few true people like me so yeah...
Let me tell you few more things about me now...
Let's begin with that i don't believe in God or anything like that!
No religion or anything...
I am some kind of an Atheist because God is fake and all religions are made of lies!
Religions are stories for little bit bigger kids...
If you are smart you will know what i am talking about and you will agree with me!
There maybe could be something more but no one really knows and until i get real proofs like i get from science i won't believe in anything!
I know the real truth about this world and people in it so don't think that you are smart you just believe in lies...
You are even lying to yourself which is the worst thing!
I am antisocial because all those fake people i had and i sadly still do have in my life...
If you are smart you will also understand me about this too and agree with me...
Yes i had some fake friends but right now i got rid of them all (finally)!
Also i don't smoke (i never did), i don't do drugs (i never did that either), i don't drink coffee (i tried but it is yuck!), i was drinking and there were days i loved to get drunk to get away from this world and forget about the pain!
I am trying to stop drinking and it is actually really easy to do it when you have no fake friends at all...
So yeah i stopped drinking...
I am against all drugs that get you addicted and by that i also mean coffee, tobacco, alcohol and social medias!
I am done and all i want is to end all of this pain...
I did got rid of all fake people i could so far and it is way better now but still some problems caused by them are still here and i have to deal with them...
Of course there is still my fake family that make me about 100 problems on daily basis...
But there are actually only my dad, brother and grandmother and i hope i will find a easy way to earn money fast and move far away from them and never come back!
I will probably end this pain because i am just tired of this sick world that is full of fake people...
I don't really go out because i just hate it, it sucks and yes i am an introvert...
I do love nature, parks, cinemas, walks, bike rides but i would love to have someone to do all that with...
I still mostly love to be inside and enjoy...
I also love night and darkness it is so peaceful at night because there is almost no one awake and everything is so quiet...
Yeah i just love quiet and peaceful places...
I forgot to say that i hate those places where a lot of people go...
I hope that at least some know how do i feel because i never had anyone and i never will...
If we of course don't count fake people...
My life came to the end i guess, people say that i am lazy and i won't lie i think am but i would rather die then to live alone my whole life and work!
By work i mean get exploited and be someone's slave...
I can't even work because of my physical and mental health anyway...
I hate to work for free and i won't be anyone's slave!
Also if i would start to work i would kill myself after first week...
Yes we are all some kind of slaves and we all work for capitalists so they could live, be rich, enjoy life and all that without any work at all!
We actually are like slaves we just have few more rights but workers do their work and workers should run all the factories!
We all have to stand up for ourselves and to fight for our freedom!
Workers should own all means of production, all equipment that they use at work and everything they make should be their own property!
Workers of all world unite, there is nothing to loose but your chains!
We can't let things to be like this anymore, we have to change the system!
I am so hurt that i cry almost everyday, sometimes i hug a pillow and imagine that is my true friend and i just start crying because it makes me remember all shit i have been through and that i still got no one...
You don't want to talk me so if you are going to email me think few times before you actually do it!
If someone actually want to talk to me my email address is [email protected] and i can't really delete skype or hangouts but i am never on there so if you want quick reply use only thing that i actually use and gave you...
I hate social media, being social and stuff like those that is just YUCK!
Social medias are for dumb and social/fake people...
Email me ONLY if you are not fake because i can't help fake people they just can't be changed and they think i am wrong, they try to change me, destroy me and my life even more so no thanks!
Just go find someone fake and forget about me...
If you think that you are wrong and you are ready to change then you can come to me...
I do sometimes help fake people, i do a favor to them i let them use me and then i leave them forever but i try not to let people use me but yeah i am still being nice and everything because i truly do care...
I am doing just great without fake people so please if you are fake and you want to "help" me and by that i mean change to be fake as you just fuck off please!
Let me just warn you that if there is no reply from me it means i am dead so i am so sorry...
It is not like someone is going to email me or even to read this story but just to be sure...
I don't know what am i going to do yet but still i soon have to make a decision and do something and i will see what that will be but yeah if police and social workers don't take my dad out of the house i will have to kill myself before he kills meh...
Who know maybe i will take a gun and fight for freedom until i get killed...
Bye and thanks...