Notes

People destroy their lives because of things like this they say
People die because of things like this they say
But they don't tell you how to stop
They don't tell you how to get over an eating disorder
They just tell you not to do it
They tell you to stop doing it
They don't tell you how
They can tell you why
they can tell you who
They can tell you when
But they won't tell you how
Because no one really takes the time to figure out how
Nonoe really takes the time to look at broken bone girl's
No one really takes the time to ask bleeding flower boy
how they got over their eating disorder
no one takes the time to take the girl who floats on snows hand and
tell her she's beautiful
No one takes the time to tell the boy who doesn't break the ice
that he's amazing just the way he is.
You see we grew up
the kids who can snap their wrist on table tops
we grew up hearing
“you sure you want to eat that” or
“aren't you a little big” or
“don't you want to have a salad instead”
No! I don't want to have a salad instead
i want to eat whatever i want
i want to be able to feed my body what it needs to eat without worrying
without cowering from your judgmental stares
i want to be able to eat without having to eat alone
i want to be ok with eating around people
i want to be able to go to friends houses and birthday parties and outside of my own house without having to bring food along with me that i know how many calories are in
that i know exactly what is in there
i want to be able to have a snack and not count the calories
i want to be free from these endless number and mathematical equations
that never stop running in my head
it doesn't help that i like math
it doesn't help that i like math
it doesn't help when you tell me to eat
it doesn't help when you push food in front of me
seeing how little i eat everyday
seeing how much i starve my body
because it needs to be skinnier
i need to be skin and bones
Maybe if i'm skin and bones i'll feel like in troubled enough
i'll feel like i have enough of a problem to be considered a problem
if i'm skin and bones maybe i'll take up just as much space as i feel like i deserve
maybe if i'm skin and bones people will notice me less than they already do
maybe if i'm skin and bones i won't be alive i'll disappear
the wind will blow me away like the flowers i bleed
the wind will take me away
the ground will absorb my essence like broken bones
maybe, maybe if i skip one more meal and do one more push up
maybe i won't break the ice
maybe i will float on snow
just Maybe