Notes

I don't kow if I really like him or maybe I just like the idea of me talking to a boy or being able to say I have a byfrued, but I love going to school to see him and my heart races everytime im around him. anyway now that hes out f the way. I HATE how the small things make me sad, like not even the things I loved doing the most make me happy anymore. I think I just want these boys out of my life for good. Anyway lets get on to me being sad, that way I can tell you how I feel and you can tell me your sorry and that you care, but really you don't. My mom always asks me why im so mean to her. well its not just to her. theres this. some times I just want to get out of bed and cry the whole day but I don't and I don't know why. I know if I cry and people find out they would say get them out of your head or life is to short. well sometimes this life seems like it takes a million years to end. sometimes I wanna die but I cant hurt other people. I don't want to leave this life I have and leave everybody but I hate dealing with thinking im just fat kid that doesn't have anybody in her life. I started opening up to people and they block me out of their life. so I have learned to keep how I feel inside so other people don't feel bad or feel like im doing it so people will worry.