Notes

Monday
Okay so I know this might be weird but i am writing because i need to get stuff of my mind and i dont like talking to anybody about my problems because im an independent person and i dont need nobody lol but i just want to talk about what i have to do monday and explain how i feel right now. Alright so for monday i am gonna wake up early morning like at 5 and im gonna get on the train and head down to the badging station at ohare. i know that it is far rn but at this point idc because im getting paid 13.50 and hour and i really want to move out of this evil place and i wanna start being independent and start paying my own stuff too. i dont want to have to ask for anything because then i have to hear bitching and people making up excuses. i really want to succeed in life and im getting older and i want to do this for me. there was this one time i was talking to my sister mia and she was telling me that how my mom holds me up to these standards and how am i supposed to do anything if she is gonna hold my hand my whole life. now i know that i have a voice and i need to do what is best for me even if that is working and going to school at the same time. 11th grade is the grade that is most important ik that but now i am gonna have to push 100x harder and grind if i want to succeed. i am going to start doing my science fair project right away and i want to get that over with. i hate doing science fair but thats life and there are things in life that are going to be more harder like college and as i grow older i start to lose interest in things. its good to focus but sometimes we can have a little fun. another thing that i have to do is focus on SAT's and that is not fun. I want a high score but idk how i am gonna do that when i just flunk all my classes. i am a dissapointment to myself and i know it for a fact that i am always hard on myself because i always distant myself from other people and i just wanna be alone. the only person i trust is my sister mia even though she probably is mad but i dont understand how she can be so strong. i can be strong but i have a breaking point. yes i cry when im alone or get mad but i let my emotions get the best of me and that is something that i have to work on. i dont need poeple telling me to do this and do that because i know what i have to do. i try to be away from home as long as possible because i just dont like being in this house. so many bad things end up following us everywhere we go it seems like that everywhere. like somebody put a curse on us. i dont like the feeling at all. i just wanna be independent and smoke a blunt by myself and just be left alone