Notes

Hey Ellen, I'm kind of tired and done with everything but I figured I should still write this to you. I'm kind of relieved that once you read this we will already be strangers to each other and I don't have to worry about this becoming awkward for either of us and I know you probably don't like replying to stuff like this anyways..

I have been thinking a lot lately and it's hard for me to focus on anything and my sleep has kinda been really shit too :) I have you on my mind all the time to the point where it has become an obsession. Whatever I do, or whenever I try to do something fun my mind switches over to you.. You'd think they are positive thoughts I mean a lot of them are positive but I'm the kind of person where negative thoughts are stronger than my positive ones because I'm still really insecure and it has never crossed my mind that I deserve a woman like you.. I just lie awake for hours wondering if you're thinking about me and only me but I know that is probably not the case. Lately you haven't really been talking to me and I just can't shake the feeling you stopped liking me or found someone you'd rather be with. If you suddenly came to the realization that you didn't wanna meet me anymore or felt like this was all a mistake I'm now sparing you the trouble of going through that :). Despite all this I still want to say some things before I end this note.

Ellen, you're an amazing person don't let anyone ever tell you something else. Because of you I realized that I can still fall in love, even if sometimes I kinda felt like your responses towards me were kinda cold or non-affectionate you still made me really happy a lot of times and you were really cute :)
I want to help you realize that you are an amazing person Ellen. You told me stuff.. like that your sister is a better version of you for example, but I never really saw the negatives in you. Everyone has their own problems and insecurities but even tho somewhere on this world there's always someone that will love you no matter what. Even after doing this you probably think I hate you now, but I want you to know that no matter where you are I will always love you, even if we've never really met or even talked. My mind was kinda going numb and I was already thinking of wanting to have you close to me everyday, I wanted to live together someday I was thinking of having a child with you and starting a family together haha. I didn't even know if you'd ever be willing to love me that's why all this was really killing me on the inside.. So I will repeat it one more time, Ellen.

You are the most amazing and beautiful woman I've ever met. With that insanely beautiful smile of yours there will always be people that will want to be with you as long as you have the courage to show it. I hope you will live an amazing life, I want it to be filled with love and happiness ;). Everything positive that will come along your way, you deserve it. Don't ever tell yourself differently. Thank you for everything I really enjoyed talking to you and spending time with you sometimes.

I'll never forget you :*