Notes

Idk why im doing this and I couldn't care less abt my grammar rn bc I am having a hard time processing what im going through and I thought that if I wrote or typed this out then I might understand why I feel this way... There is this gu named Christian Dillon, I just started talking to him this year and he is in my 3rd period class (mrs.cocke) I has a crush on him around the first week of October/2018 it is November/26/2018 I found out that I had strong feelings for him October/12/2018 [I know the day bc I hav a pic of my friends from that night] we were all hanging out in a big group and I waned to go watch the game so I told my friend peyton to come and sit down with me on the bleachers, katie and CHRISTIAN came with me to go sit on the bleachers, we all sat together. I was so excited that It was just us and I thought that he might have liked me back... but he didn't and still doesn't. that night the 4 of us were on the bleachers Talking and I told peyton that I liked Christian, then she said "so who do yall like" and katie said someone, Christian said kendall, peyton said someone and they were all wondering who I liked. I couldent tell them. for a longtime that night I tried to find Christians snapchat, eventually I found it and I added him and we talked for a while. when my friends asked me who I liked I just said one of my guy friends, and I even dated someone to try to get over Christian, it didn't work. I wanted to tell everyone that I had the biggest crush on him and that he was amazing. I told Christian around early September and we still talked to eachother even though he knew, one thing I like abt him is that he dosent make it weird and he still talks to me and looks at me as a close friend. Last night I was really sad, I was sad because I felt like he was never going to think of me more than a friend and that makes me sad. today I cried. I cant explain how strong my feelings are for this amazing handsome, smart, cute, funny, respectful, silly and goofy guy. I sound so obsessed omgggggg. im not boy crazy but im crazy about this boy. thinking about some things abt him and how he dosent like me back makes me feel really bad and im crying right now because saying all of this makes me feel like I am forced to just try to give up. but im never going to give up, I only felt like this with one other person. and I was dumped twice by that person. what makes me cry or sad the most is when I think of what it could bc like, him wrapping his arms around me to give me a hug and saying how much he loves me no reason but to tell me how he felt, it really pisses me off thinking how this will never happen it is just in my head!