Notes

Hi there,

Today I wake up very late, as I slept approximately 10 hours. When I woke up then I called Shilpa and we started talking with each other. Whenever I talk with her I feel good. But while start a chat with her in the night time then she is a different girl at that time. She never accepts my proposal as she has a very big fear in her mind that I will leave her after going to abroad. But she even don't know that she is the most innocent girl I have ever met. Wait she is just innocent for me because she behaves like a very strong girl in front of other people. She is innocent from her heart. I love her but the major problem between our love is her fear about me. That one day I leave her because of some situations. This is the reason behind my rejection. But I still love her very much even she don't know. Today, when we were in the park sitting on the bench. The temperature is very low and cold wind was there and my hands were getting frozen due to wind but when I hold Shilpa's hand then I felt that her hands were more frozen than mine. Then we got hold hands of each other and I put our hands in her pocket. I was feeling like we will sit like that and keep siting. We were very close to each other but still I have a fear about Shilpa. Because I want to kiss Shilpa at that time but I can't do that because I don't want that she misunderstands me. She is very good but when I hold her hands then I feel something different which I can't explain. Yes, I got a hold of hands with many girls but I haven't felt like that. Also, her hands were very soft like a sponge. I want to kiss her hands. But I don't know how she thinks about me. She never says 'NO' to me and replies to me on each and every message. But I know how she will react when I kiss her. Apart from these things, I have a very great fear about my dream. I wanted to go abroad but when I got the required results then I got a fear that I have to go very far away from my Mummy, Papa and Sister. I never want to go far away from my friends who stands for me in every situation. Also, I don't want to leave Shilpa, I don't think that I will get more better GF than her. She has all my dream girl qualities but she just have to do some makeover and then she will look completely different as she look now. I want Shilpa to look like a Angel. She never know that I will make her feel special in every situation. Shilpa I LOVE YOU. But I never want to hurt you. I want to remove your Lipstick not your Kajal. Today, Shilpa is so close to me but I don't have the courage that I can ask her about her biggest fear and who disturbed her. Yesterday, our team was broken and I felt very bad because I think that the boys in our team are very good from their heart and they have very good nature among all. Our team was very good. Our TL is also excellent, he has completed all our demands in our office. I am feeling alone as of now because this is the thing that I can't stop. That is why I am writing all these. I am very much worried about my future because I want to go abroad but I never want to leave my Mummy Ji and Daddy Ji and my cute Sister. I love my sister very much. But I never expressed it. I am going far away from my family because I want to give every facility to my Mummy. She has sacrificed a lot because she has a very soft and a very little heart. I know that she cries every time I left the home. When I left the home I know in personal that she is crying but I never turned back because I can't see my Mummy crying and if she was crying then I will also start crying. My Dad also loves me very much. He never rejected a single demand of mine if he will be able to complete it. Also, I don't want my sister to feel the situations in her life which I am currently feeling. I want to give every facility to my sister. I never think bad for any girl because I know I also have a sister that is why I respect every girl because of this I never want to hurt any girl. I just want one girl who love me more than me. Who say more I Love You than you. But I never fond a girl like that. I do not have any Girl Friend till now. Sometimes I think that this is my biggest mistake that no one likes shy boys, every one likes the boys who don't care more about girls and who disrespect girls. But I don't know how I become like this, I don't want to hurt any girl that is why I never taken benefit of any girl. It is not that I haven't got any chance, It is about that I can't break trust of someone. I don't want to leave my friends. I want to write more and more about myself but I have only one fear about this writing that anyone can read this and If I came to know that someone has read it then it hurt me more. Because I have a nature like that, I can't share my feelings to anyone. If someone wants to know my feelings then I will simply say that I can't tell as I don't have the courage of doing that. Shilpa has already read my previous two notes. But this one is more private and I will never share this note to anyone. Still I am waiting for Shilpa, when she wake up and message me and then we can begin our conversation. I have many problems and I always try to find solutions of my problems in my own words while I am writing, most of the time I failed to find the solutions. I also want know............................................