Notes

I can't get this fucking girl off my mind. She's not cute, not especially funny, or not really special in any way, but for some reason, I can't stop thinking about her. Maybe it's because it's the first time somebody has actually expressed their interest in me, and "likes" me. I just want to feel loved, comforted, valued, and cared for. It's nice to think that somebody else cares about me and thinks about me. It's nice to feel valued. But I don't know about pursuing her. She's basically a walking meme, is very emotionally delicate, and isn't especially cute or something. She's possibly a good friend to have, which I'm not sure about since all girls talk shit and I can't be sure of anything, and she's nice, but I don't know what else there is to like about her. It might just be this time of year, cuffing season or whatever, but maybe this good feeling about myself resulting from her interest is fake, just a target and desperate beacon of hope amidst such a depressing season. It's hard because I can't decide if I want to reciprocate her feelings to make myself feel better for some more time, while doing so would honestly degrade myself since it's seen that I go for the easy ones or some gay shit like that. I'm very conflicted, and it's hindering my ability to work on college applications. To be honest, this is kind of just another excuse for being unproductive in this process, and I hate myself for this. Why can't all of this shit just be over already, it fucking sucks.