Notes

mom, I have something I want to tell you and dad.
Mom, dad, I have something I want to tell you.
I'm not sure exactly what I've been struggling with, but my mental health has been very difficult lately. I have been feeling pretty depressed and I have a lot of anxiety. Its really crushing me and its hard to get through life on a daily basis. I think in part, it definitely has to do with my eczema but also schoolwork. I want to go to the doctor so I can get some help.

How long have you been feeling this way?
I first started struggling in middle school, mostly regarding math class. I'm not sure whether it was because I didn't take it seriously or because it actually wasn't a major problem other than normal school stress, but I never considered that I was going through something worth mentioning.
In high school, especially once I hit tenth grade, I was really having a hard time. Before I dropped out of the classes, everything was very difficult to manage. I felt like I was always fighting to keep up with everyone else. Then, once I dropped out I felt more confident academically, but socially I felt very alone. Part of it was that I didn't think that I had anyone to talk to about my issues and also a lot of self pity.
Even after that in 11th grade, I did better school wise but it was hard for me mentally. I couldn't talk about my previous struggles or mental health or eczema without getting emotional. This is still a problem for me. Looking back, it was a good year considering I achieved a lot, but it wasn't easy.
This year, I have really been feeling lost. My skin makes me very insecure. I thought I was doing well with working on my anxiety, but now, speaking out in class and participating makes me even more shaky and nervous than before. I know rationally that no one is out to hurt me, but I can't get past it.

What do you think has caused it?
Eczema has always magnified these difficulties, and its part of the reason I have bad memories of 7th and 11th grade in particular.

I have some doubts. For example, I worry that I'm just seeking attention or that I'm using mental health as a scapegoat for my own lack of motivation. I think my hope is that I can get medicated and things will be easier from there. I wonder if eczema just made me feel sorry for myself instead of standing up and doing what I want to do. I feel as if I have been living life at 50% just to make it through. However, I still want to see a doctor and figure out whats really going on.