Notes

aight
im pretty stubborn most of the time about my opinion but id like to think most of the things i do are geared towards preserving the group. **FOR EXAMPLE: whenever we have a huge gathering, im always the one who brings it up, i host it at my house, i order food during the event, i tell people what to bring, etc. winty also sometimes does this but im created an events group for our group of friends, and i'd post there and see who's coming and just organize it in general.**
-------THIS SECTION IS ABOUT MYSELF AND MY PERCEPTION, if you think this is selfish, skip this part-------
------- this is a very long part, the part about the group as a whole is at the end ---------
what i mean to say is, a lot of the time, i feel like im putting in way more effort to keeping everyone together than the majority of the group is. and whether you think this is true or not, the fact is i NEVER BRING THIS UP, nor does anyone else bring this up. and that's completely fine. i dont expect any recognition or anything, it's something i myself want to do for my friends.
i care about all of you deeply, even if very few of you ever message and talk to me personally. sometimes i don't feel like all of you understand the friendship i have for all of you/don't really care about me that much as a friend in general, and that's fine. i dont expect that. i rarely talk to some of you as well, and i dont expect any of you to approach me first if i dont do the same for you.
***HOWEVER***
some of you think i dont look at the other perspective and i simply defend myself and justify myself. the latter is true; if i say something, OBVIOUSLY I WILL DEFEND MY PERSPECTIVE. THIS IS THE SAME WITH THE MAJORITY OF YOU. DO NOT TRY TO TELL ME THAT NONE OF YOU ARGUE FOR WHY YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE RIGHT. classic example today: i didnt believe that the league conversation was such a big problem, and I STATED WHY I THOUGHT THIS WAY. many of you rebutted with your own points, which I TRIED TO UNDERSTAND. maybe i can't relate 100% because IT IS NOT MY OPINION, but at least i tried and continue to try and understand the other perspective.
BUT some of you did not try to understand my opinion. do not deny this because it is true. and while i have no problem with people not agreeing with me, at least try to LOOK AT THE PROBLEM OBJECTIVELY.
~~~and even if you do not, at THE VERY LEAST, do not attack me for being "stubborn" when YOU YOURSELF are doing EXACTLY THE SAME; blocking your ears to other's/my opinion and only stating your side.~~~

-----------------APPLIES TO THE WHOLE GROUP NOW-----------------------------
im not trying to attack cynthia or anything of the sort. she has lots of problems, many of which i cannot relate to, which of course are a great burden to her. sorry i can't help, but i really do not know how.
however, its absolutely fucking stupid for anyone to berate another person when they don't know what they're going through. EVERYBODY HAS PROBLEMS, many problems for sure, but its retarded to just assume someone has gotten worse or whatever.
FOR EXAMPLE: im really proud of justin's change this semester. he's actually been changing himself a lot, going to the gym, eating healthy, got onto the league team and earning scholarship money. MAYBE he talks about league so much because he's on the league team? MAYBE he sends so much memes because those are the only thing EVERYONE CAN RELATE TO: A MEME. there are literally countless reasons why he acts the way he does, but none of you focus on the improvement, instead only berating him for what he sends in the group chat.
in my own case, i am obviously struggling with life. but i dont share it. why? because all of you have so much going on in your life that i dont want to burden others with my problems. i could tell everyone that i cry multiple times a day, but cynthias obviously going through something right now and i don't want to take attention away from her no doubtedly more severe issues. and i think most of you are very supportive of her and thats great. but she is not the only person who has problems. everyone does. a lot of you have much more serious problems than i do, which is why im okay with not sharing and handling everything myself. and i think a lot of you guys are like this as well. what HURTS ME THE MOST is when you guys think i take everything as a joke or that im not even taking my life seriously. im very jealous of everybody who has a clear vision of their future, i havent found that yet. BUT JUST BECAUSE I SHARE THE "joke" PARTS OF MY LIFE (like playing league all night) and not the painful parts of it does not mean im treating life like a joke. if i shared everything i thought, the problems im struggling with, IT WOULD JUST CAUSE UNNECESSARY STRESS FOR UNRELATED PARTIES. i try to keep my image lighthearted for a reason. i act laidback and uncaring to relieve tension in the room because everyone else is so serious. AND THIS IS PROBABLY THE CASE FOR MANY OTHERS IN THE GROUP CHAT WHO DO NOT SHARE SO MUCH OF THEIR LIFE. and i just want all of you to understand this side.


it's nice that you are all supportive of cynthia, and you should be. but please remember that everyone has problems that they are dealing with, even if they are hidden. your friends don't act stupid because they retarded or because they don't care about you or because they're not trying. so don't berate others if you don't know what theyre going through.

another thing. if you don't reach out to your friends and support them, you shouldnt expect that kind of behaviour back. i know we're all friends and we should be there for each other, but ITS EXTREMELY HYPOCRITICAL to call someone selfish if you act the same way.

when push comes to shove, i genuinely believe everyone in the group is supportive of each other. if you have something serious to say, say it. "hey everyone, i have something serious to talk about and i would like all your opinions"
all of us have the ability to be serious and support one another, YOU JUST NEED TO MAKE IT KNOWN THAT YOU WOULD LIKE THIS SERIOUSNESS AND SUPPORT, or other people won't know.
so don't blame others for not addressing your problem if you don't make it clear what the problem is. if you make it clear, everyone WILL be supportive. because we're friends.