Notes

Dear Alex,
Hi. I'm not sure how to start. There's so much to say, but very little of an explanation. Do I start with "I'm sorry"? because you know I'm sorry, and we both know that sorry doesn't cut it. I don't know why I'm such an idiot. The only thing I can think to do first is recap. I asked you to chit-chat with me some more, because I felt left out. I wasn't satisfied with the attention I was getting... Why? Everything I did inched you to hate me more and more, and I noticed it but god, nothing I could do would stop myself. Just that voice inside my head that makes me keep doing these things. You talked about one direction and all I could hear was "She doesn't love you. They're so much better than you, she could care less about you. She loves them way more than she could ever love you," and I don't think it was you that angered me, but that voice... but of course, the voice convinced me to text you and tell you how much I hated your passion. "You're not good enough for her. She'd rather have all her time taken by them" and of course, time from you is the one thing I felt I needed. Maybe I'm a psycho, maybe I'm schizophrenic, but there's always this voice in my head telling me to do these things, that looking back are horrible. Fucking horrible. On my own time, I'm learning to stop myself from acting on the things it tells me to do. In the situation, my mind is so foggy that I don't know what decision to make, so I just listen to it. We both know, (Or at least I hope.) I never intended to hurt you.