Notes

26th december, 2018

dear sibghat,

an year ago, today, i met the most beautiful human in the entire world. an year ago, today, i met my sobo, my sibghat.

it wasnt the usual 'oh look, a trash' because the minute this boy entered my life, he made this little place in my heart that i didnt even know existed. and as the time passed, he made it to somewhere so deep into my heart where it ached. ached due to the happiness he brought into my life and at the fear of losing him and whenever he disappeared, he left a v hollow emptiness and that was the place i knew i was going to keep forever in my heart and that it was going to be sibghat's and only sibghat's home to return to. even if he leaves, even if he finds another home, this home is his to come back to, whenever he wants. i hope he always comes back to it.

i had lost faith in people, in friendships i mean all the people i ever truly valued in my life, left. like they just left. I stopped asking people to stay because thats how it is, thats how its meant to be. but when you came and you stood right where you were since day 1 i started telling myself that maybe this person is going to stay. and eventually i was asking you to never leave. the fear of losing you was and is so big that even at the weakest of my points i come to you and i know having a chipku minahil is not nice, thank you for keeping up, thank you for not leaving.

everything about minsib was new for me. from sending goodnight and goodmorning texts to each other to meeting irl. when we started talking, it wasnt like im getting attention from this person and that is why i wanna be with him, it was the kind of vibe that you carry. the way you talked to me so nicely like you are here just for me, i could totally trust you with anything, you are here to listen, to feel what i feel and to just be there. to pick me up when i fell down, to be proud of me when i get back up. to cheer me up when im upset, to be crazy together. remember when we used to have those miyan biwi fights and bachon ka kya hou ga dammit lol.

idrk how to put this into words but you mean the absolute world to me. you know you do occupy my mind in a way nothing else has. this bond, like unreal. youre the greatest thing ever happened to me. i love you. i love you so fucking much. i love you as much as a human heart can. i love you more than i have ever loved mcdonalds. i love you all through my grumpy mornings and udaas raatein. i love you. God, do you have any idea??? it's unrealistic how much i love you. youre not just a boy, not just a friend, youre idk a part of me that is sososo dear to me. itnay zyada pyaray hou na tum. honestly dil karta hai tumhein apnay paas sambhaal kar rakhun aur kisi kou na duun. youre my favourite ray of sunshine, my sunshine when life gets cold.

youre probably the first person who has changed me to this extent. before i met you, i was just another let down, depressed, demotivated kinda person and also an absolute sarru, lekin ab, im still let down, depressed, demotivated but i know i have somebody to rant to ahahag always be my rant buddy pls. ok jk to be honest, i am so strong now, the kindness or any good trait of that sort in me is honestly a reflection of you. i know i am loved, i know i am cared for, i know i have a person to look up to, and also that this person is never going to let me down.

heres what i love about you as a person: youre so kind to people around you. you actually do care about others. youre patient. you dont give up on people easily. you have such a pure soul it fills other souls with so much light by just looking at you. you give your best in every relationship. youre so talented, hardworking and like MASHA'ALLAH.

you make me so happy sibghat. your childhood pictures make me so fucking happy, those tiny hands oh my god, favourite favourite favourite ever smile, your iconic 6yo sib picture, ice-cream wali picture like ARE YOU FR. and i swear those picture and you have such an impact on me i see the little sibghat in every goddamn child i meet i mean this is creepy but yehi scene hai. fast forward to 18yo sibghat you still have that very adorable smile and that shine in your eyes when you smile, pretty hands and very adorable smile.

minsib may not be as strong as it used to be but im glad it happened and it is still happening i guess. im sorry im always complaining about how things are changing. its so fucking painful to see minsib fade away like this and i have been trying so hard not to breakdown but that obviously didnt work. i honestly have no fucking idea what would i do without you. God, youre sibghat. what would i do without you. what would i do without you. why are you always on my mind? will i ever be able to take you out of my head?